Re: Extreme Therapy - Book 1 Complete Book 2 Chapter 21 Posted (11/30/2024)

[edithdick]

I wouldn't call the story all that sexy though, mostly because the dog section really dehumanized Annie/Sophie to a strong degree, and the last parts were largely just abuse as opposed to embarrassment. Annie stopped feeling embarrassed in any way fairly early into her captivity, even before being collared.

It was certainly abusive. My only defense is that you inspired me to try to ramp up the tension in the story, and while I was working on that the story sort of took a dark turn.

Your writing style is good, and does well to develop characters and motives. I'd say your only real flaw currently is a difficulty maintaining tension, but that shouldn't be too difficult to overcome with practice.

This quote is what inspired me to take this story through uncharted waters.

Ironically, while Annie has likely been cured of her body issues after all of that, she's going to need a whole bunch of therapy for the rest of her experiences now. It's like an endless cycle.

Yea, I think I broke this character. I don't think that I've ever even read a story where the main character's mind starts to unravel. Especially a first person perspective. So this was a bit challenging to keep Annie's perspective genuine, but still tell a story that made sense to the reader. I am glad you were able to follow.

[Executionus]

It was certainly abusive. My only defense is that you inspired me to try to ramp up the tension in the story, and while I was working on that the story sort of took a dark turn.

While I'm glad to be an inspiration, darkness is not the same thing as tension (and can often break the tension). My comment earlier was probably too vague, which is why it got misunderstood. Your issue with tension isn't a lack of severity of content. It's that your stories frequently lose focus during sexy scenes and wind up sidetracked by other stuff. The character's inner monologue is usually distracted, not paying attention to their own nudity at all and being more concerned with everything else going on near them. The sexual tension isn't able to build up.

I'll give an example: In the last part you began a promising scene where Sophie/Annie ran into neighbor boys Annie knew. It started off with Annie remembering the boys and feeling uneasy about it, only for that memory to fade away instantly. More dog stuff happened, until Sophie started being petted all over her body. She even commented that Annie had never been touched like this before and how weird Sophie thought that was. The very next paragraph shifted the focus away from the touching, so it didn't get any chance to stay center stage for long. The sexy concepts are accompanied by unsexy clueless dog parts at an almost 1 to 1 ratio. This overall pattern kinda repeats for the entire arc of the neighbor boys.

If you're wanting to enhance tension in a story, you'll want to stay locked on a particular feeling (usually shame, nervousness, or embarrassment in this community) and shift around more slowly. It's also best if the character being humiliated actually experiences shame in their thoughts during their big moments instead of being more concerned with "being good" or getting a job. To build tension you have to portray the character as being stressed out and/or nervous about their situation, because you're trying to lock onto an adrenalin high for both them and the audience. I often describe my own style as being a hybrid of snuff and ENF porn, with the stripped character frantically acting as if they are about to literally die from shame. Other authors have different styles for that, so you can look over some of the greats. A top king of raw sexual tension would be CaughtofLore who has a new story on here now, so checking through that can give you some pointers.

You have a good talent for details and creative plots, so with some practice you'll figure out a good style to use for tension building as well.

[edithdick]

If you're wanting to enhance tension in a story, you'll want to stay locked on a particular feeling (usually shame, nervousness, or embarrassment in this community) and shift around more slowly.

First I want to say, I appreciate you taking the time. I find as much enjoyment talking through the storytelling process with other writers like you as I do writing the story itself.

Many of my early drafts of a story will have a LOT of those feelings, (shame, embarrassment, horny-ness etc). I tend to weed out the more pornographic sections, and focus on 'good writing', so my end product feels less trashy. Ironically, my quality control via editing is taking away the elements of the story that most people come to this site for. I need to build my writing skills up in this area so these elements can fit into my story. i.e. the story needs to be a compelling well written story, and these elements will be there to enhance it and make it more enjoyable for the reader.

I'm also finding that I am not comfortable publishing the intense sexual themes when the subject of the story is a 15 year old girl. I think that if I focus on adult women/men, I won't feel the compulsion to remove the exciting elements of the story.

I've decided to make Tabitha's redemption arc be the subject character of my Summer Story Contest entry. At least she will be 18 when that story takes place, so I won't be inhibiting myself.

[Dormouse]

Sorry, once the control element came to the fore, I lost interest. I prefer stories where the protagonist gets to enjoy nudity. Someone once described my stories as CNF - Confident Nude Female.

[Hooked6]

I loved the story and I didn't think it abusive at all. It was the perfect combination of humiliation, pet play fetish and recovery. I found the entire plot most enjoyable. Not every story will please all readers as everyone has his/her own tastes.

Don't stress over the criticism of the story being too dark. Trust me, there are way worse and much darker stories that this light fantasy story you have created. You definitely have a talent for humiliation and ENF stories. I am looking forward to your next creation.

Hooked6

[edithdick]

Don't stress over the criticism of the story being too dark. Trust me, there are way worse and much darker stories that this light fantasy story you have created. You definitely have a talent for humiliation and ENF stories. I am looking forward to your next creation.

Hooked6

I don’t stress over much. On a board like this one, it draws people with a lot of different tastes/wants.

I’m glad you enjoyed the story. It was created as a writing experiment and morphed into something way different than it started. When I did that, I kinda assumed that a lot of people who enjoyed the beginning would be off put by parts 3-4.

I doubt I’ll do another domination story soon, but if you liked the characters, I am planning Tabitha’s redemption arc next.

[edithdick]

Sorry, once the control element came to the fore, I lost interest. I prefer stories where the protagonist gets to enjoy nudity. Someone once described my stories as CNF - Confident Nude Female.

Hopefully you found some of it a fun read. I know the tone and theme of the first 2 chapters were quite different from the last 2. I appreciate the feedback either way.

[edithdick]

Hey, not every story is for everyone. I've posted a lot of stories on this site over the past few months and people like some more than others.

Thank you Princess,

One good thing about this platform is that it accommodates a variety of writing styles and themes. The fact that not all of the stories on here will appeal to all readers just means that more readers will be able to find stories that agree with their particular tastes.

So I agree, so long as you enjoy writing a story, then write away!

[computerphoto]

The part I think was the best part was when she was made to take the 3 large black trash bags full of her clothes to the curb and then watch the garbage truck take them away, without even realizing at the time they were all her clothes until it was too late when she went up to her room and then realized those 3 large trash bags were all her clothes and she was made to take them to the curb and now all her clothes are long gone for good.

The only difference between this story and 2 other stories I remember is she is not in her right mind and they took advantage of her and made her do it without her even knowing she was doing it. Compare to two other stories which I remember which are in one of them this girl named summer was made to toss all her clothes one by one into the bonfire until all her clothes were gone, and the other story is about where this girl was at this bonfire party in the winter and stripped to go get some beer from a car and when she got back she was forced to watch her clothes burn one by one in front of her. Yes, the difference here is she was mad to haul them away to the curb without knowing they were her clothes until it was too late.

The part of was really waiting for is the part where her brother and his huge football friends take revenge
on Heidi and Tabitha for everything they did to his sister.

[edithdick]

The part of was really waiting for is the part where her brother and his huge football friends take revenge
on Heidi and Tabitha for everything they did to his sister.

I’m glad you enjoyed the story. Suffice to say that Tabitha & Heidi did get into trouble at the end of the story. They were all arrested and between social media postings and neighbors testifying, those two certainly got punished for their deeds.

I am planning Tabitha’s redemption arc, she has some humiliation of her own to endure.

Unfortunately, Craig won’t be part of that story. I’m sure he feels terrible about abandoning Annie with those two now.