The Unraveling (New 11/23)

[Emily]

Aww thank you for your kind words!

I stand tall and proud at 5’2”. I’m only 19 so not too much older than just being a “young teen” still. I definitely do not mind sharing details like that of myself and how I relate to Riley and the story overall.

Maybe I’ll start an Ask Me Anything AMA thread, not sure if something like that fits on this website or not.

Also… about your art class idea. Go back and reread chapter 14, I already have that as part of the plan
The art class is on Wednesday, currently in the story it is Monday so coming up soon!

Just to clarify, when I say "you may not be a young teen anymore" I just mean that when you're a kid, you can get away with so much more.

You're clearly not exactly 40. I figured you are Riley's age or thereabouts. Knowing that you basically are Riley, reading the upcoming chapters is going to make this story so much more interesting btw! Wasn't sure that'd even be possible, but you somehow managed it!

5'2 Huh? I really like it, and I'm glad you've grown to like it too! Wait, "grown to like it"? Was that an unintentional play on words lol? Or perhaps it was it was intentional. We'll never know. But yeah, love your height. Anything from 5'2 to around 4'7 is perfect. Short and sweet!

You absolutely could start an "AMA" thread and it'd create a lot of attention I'm sure. Would certainly bring in more foot traffic towards this story I imagine. Would you be open to dares/dare ideas, or just general questions? (Again, please stay safe if you do any dares)

"Also… about your art class idea. Go back and reread chapter 14, I already have that as part of the plan
The art class is on Wednesday, currently in the story it is Monday so coming up soon!"

Love this! Seriously. I'll absolutely go back and re-read chapter 14. CANNOT wait for more, and will give you my detailed review(s) once chapter 38 releases. I usually read them towards the end of the week, Thursday or Friday.

One last question if may and then I'll stop with the questions, or at least for now:

Have you ever done anything with another girl? Had any moments like Riley and Lily have had? If so, what?

Thanks so much!
I think I would be open to trying dares and things like that. That could be a lot of fun!

And no. I’ve big really done anything with either guys or girls before.

[Bucket]

So this beginning part is an edit. My post originally came out as some bizarre quote and It made it looked like a mess, and made me feel like an imbecile, so just getting rid of the quote entirely. Anyway, on to to the post:

"And no. I’ve big really done anything with either guys or girls before"
I didn't quite get that. I assume you're saying you've not done anything with either a guy or a girl before?

If that's what you're saying, that's... actually just as hot had you'd you said that you had fooled around with another girl! Maybe even more so! That's really cute. Perhaps you should take another page out of Riley's book and make your first experience with a girl.

Do you have any girls you find cute? Do you even have any inclinations towards girls in any way? If you do, go out and make it a mission to get to first base with a girl I say. If nothing else, it'll likely give you a better idea of what and how Riley feels when she's doing things with Lily.


Can I give you a dare now? It's relatively innocuous, you can do it in the safety of your own home/dorm/apartment, and I think you'll really enjoy it.

Can I leave it here? I'm just going to leave it here, and if you want to do it, say you're in so we know you've accepted.

So the dare:

I don't know your living conditions relative to others around you is, nor do I know what your writing process is, so it's kind of hard for me to gauge how long this dare should last, so I think you'll have to judge for yourself.

I'd say that it should last an entire Chapter, but If you can make it last two, maybe three chapters, do that.

Anyway, the dare is for the next chapter you write. (or two/three. Again, judge for yourself) When you are at home, you're not allowed to wear a stitch of clothing from the moment you start writing a new chapter. Once you start writing whatever the next chapter is, no clothes allowed at home. (Though you could start now mid chapter, and then let it run into the next chapter, but it'd have to last the entire following chapter. Let us know if that's the case) That means even when you aren't writing, you remain nude. You'll have yet another thing in common with Riley.

(If you have a roommate or someone like it, you may remain nude only in your room if necessary)

If there's someone at the door or for whatever reason you need some form of clothing, you're allowed to put on a gown or a short summer dress, but no underwear. You may of course wear clothes when you go out, though preferably no underwear. You don't have to wear a skirt. Shorts/jeans are fine. Just don't wear or do anything that could put you in any danger.

This lasts until the chapter (or chapters if you feel you can last for more than one) and then the dare is done.

But that's not all.

Whenever you actually sit down to write, you have to stop every now and then to play with yourself for a minimum of 30 seconds, but you're not allowed to cum. You'll not be allowed to cum for the entirety of this dare. You'll have to finger out (yes, that was intentional) what that "stop to play with yourself" trigger is, be it every two paragraphs you write, or maybe whenever you write the word "the" or whatever it is. Almost like a drinking game, except it's masturbation. You decide.

It must be something that'll keep you very aroused constantly and you'll be edging yourself just like Riley, but not to the point where you're driving yourself wild and you can't concentrate, as that'd hinder the writing process lol, and you'd likely accidentally cum.

Lastly, when you're playing with yourself, imagine your readers are watching you, or perhaps imagine that your Riley, and the readers are reading about what you're doing to yourself.

When you've completed the dare, you have permission to cum, and make it a massive one. ☺


Anyway, that's the dare. Again, let us know if you accept so we know your doing the dare and when you start. Perhaps start mid chapter so you start sooner, but it's up to you.

This'll serve two purposes: 1. You'll enjoy yourelf thoroughly throughout. And 2. Your lust and arousal will likely translate directly onto the chapter/chapters and should make the chapter(s) that much hotter.

Plus knowing what your doing to yourself whilst writing will add another layer of extreme eroticism to said chapter(s) and will make reading it even hotter!


Up to you if you want to accept. ☺

[Bucket]

I have NO clue why my post came out like it's a quote lol but hey. It even says "Emily" as if you just wrote that.

Oh, nearly forgot, I'll provide you with an in depth review of chapter 14 a bit later today as I'll be re-reading it.

[Bucket]

Alright, just re-read chapter 14 and as per, I'm going to copy and paste what I wrote as I was reading it:


I'm just Re-reading chapter 14 and I have to say this: I REALLY love all of the themes going on here

Riley being the only one naked is EXACTLY what I love. Her watching Lily get dressed whilst she has to remain completely naked is indescribably hot as all hell! Seriously, I mean it, it's totally, totally perfect! I love this paragraph here:

"She couldn't help but feel a twinge of shame as she realized that she herself was still naked and exposed, her body on display for everyone to see. The thought sent a shiver down her spine, and she hunched her shoulders protectively"

Her feeling deep shame. Her hunching over in a desperate attempt to protect even the slightest shred of modesty she had left gives this descriptive visual of her extreme embarrassment and vulnerability.  Love this attention to detail of her shame! So much more of this please!

Same applies for this:

"Riley felt the weight of everyone's gaze on her as she sat there, naked and exposed. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and disappear. But she knew that wasn't an option. With a deep breath, she forced herself to stand up, her body trembling slightly from the combination of embarrassment and arousal"

Again, your attention to detail here describing her deep, deep shame running furiously through every fiber of her being is amazing! The way you described her feeling The weight of everyone's gaze on her. The way she wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. The trembling. Especially the trembling. (Would love to see Riley trembling violently during the art class scene) Trembling is such an effective way to display her intense mortification and would love so much more of that.

Love this:

"Her inner thighs were sticky where she'd come, and she could still taste Lily on her lips"

Love the way you described her thought process and they way her mind goes straight to the very explicit and intimate act she and Lily had performed in front of an audience prior to. Huge fan of how her thighs are coated  in cum. Especially now that she rarely gets to cum, meaning there'd be a constant flow of wetness on and around her thighs. Would love to see much more of that.

Huge fan of this as well:

"The memory of her lips wrapped around Lily's swollen clit, her tongue dancing across her sensitive flesh, the feel of Lily's hips thrusting into her face...it all made her blush even hotter"

I'm going about this chapter so much and it's barely 4 paragraphs in. That's because the way you started this chapter is remarkably erotic beyond words can describe! Again, the attention to detail of Riley's deep shame, but also not only her arousal, but the detail of how her senses and thought processes are causing her heightened and continual arousal is beautiful.

What a staggering start to the chapter! Massive kudos.

I had actually forgotten about the mask lol.

I mentioned in another comment that if she's going to be naked in front of a large group of people, some level of anonymity would be preferable, at least for now, so the mask is perfect. You know what's even more perfect? The fact that she has to earn it. Excellent!

Though I'd say, even though some level of  anonymity should remain intact to some degree imo, (apart from an art class. No hiding for Riley there) diminishing anonymity would be great. By that I mean, last time she got a ski mask. Next time maybe it's a slightly more revealing mask etc until eventually the mask is like Robin from Batman lol. Barely there.

(Speaking of barely there, how about a micro bikini scene? Just popped in my head)

Also, can I just stop for a second to truly appreciate just how mind blowing that scene was between Riley and Lily prior to this chapter. That was insanity! Absolute insanity! It was insanely erotic, arousing, kinky and everything inbetween! My God that was of the charts incredible! Hopefully more of that to come, only this time the two lovebirds naturally lead to hot scenes because they're genuinely into each other. One thing leads to another type thing (Though forced Riley and Lily scenes are also exceptional, so bring those on too)

I don't know why I forgot about the art class that Riley had to agree to, but I'm so glad that this is a thing! I also really love how soft spoken Riley gets when she's so shy and embarrassed btw! Would love if you highlighted that a lot more often. Maybe even make her more soft spoken the more submissive she gets? Big fan of the shaky voice and the whispering.

The girls then get getting insurance in the form of a really graphic photo of her, the spreading of her cheeks stunningly hot as hell and would love it if you go there more often, and OH MY WORD was Riley having to finger her own butt insanely amazing, but then she has to turn her head and smile for the camera which is maddeningly unbelievable! Plenty of shame for poor Riley.

Everything about the way you describe how Riley is feeling is perfection, and more trembling which is outstanding.

Also in an unrelated matter, excuse me while I go take a cold shower quick lol.

Riley running to the dorms was tremendous fun, and I thoroughly enjoy that there were student actually filming her. The mix between being ridiculously exposed to so many people, yet there's at least a slight bit of anonymity is brilliant. I think that most wouldn't know it's her, but due to her tiny size, I imagine there'd be one or two that would guess that it's likely Riley.

Love this:

"She reached her room, throwing the door open and stumbling inside, her body shaking uncontrollably"

The "shaking uncontrollably" part. I can't begin to tell you how the shaking uncontrollably is so good. A physical representation of her extreme anxiety, as well as her outrageous arousal. Again, highly recommend using that a lot more. It'll never get old.

The entire chapter also filled with subtle moments of that mental health element that I go on about which I really like, and although I understand that it may just be me, I do very much appreciate that. Any girl going through this would likely suffer from some depression I feel. I'd be good to see signs of depression from Riley (Again, it makes it feel more real imo), even though she's trying to hide it, and her only cure is Lily and her presence. Like her face lights up a bit when Lily's around.

I do understand that that might just be me though, so ignore this if you don't feel it fits the tone.


Overall a phenomenal chapter in what is a truly world class story! Well done, Emily.

[Emily]

So this beginning part is an edit. My post originally came out as some bizarre quote and It made it looked like a mess, and made me feel like an imbecile, so just getting rid of the quote entirely. Anyway, on to to the post:

"And no. I’ve big really done anything with either guys or girls before"
I didn't quite get that. I assume you're saying you've not done anything with either a guy or a girl before?

If that's what you're saying, that's... actually just as hot had you'd you said that you had fooled around with another girl! Maybe even more so! That's really cute. Perhaps you should take another page out of Riley's book and make your first experience with a girl.

Do you have any girls you find cute? Do you even have any inclinations towards girls in any way? If you do, go out and make it a mission to get to first base with a girl I say. If nothing else, it'll likely give you a better idea of what and how Riley feels when she's doing things with Lily.


Can I give you a dare now? It's relatively innocuous, you can do it in the safety of your own home/dorm/apartment, and I think you'll really enjoy it.

Can I leave it here? I'm just going to leave it here, and if you want to do it, say you're in so we know you've accepted.

So the dare:

I don't know your living conditions relative to others around you is, nor do I know what your writing process is, so it's kind of hard for me to gauge how long this dare should last, so I think you'll have to judge for yourself.

I'd say that it should last an entire Chapter, but If you can make it last two, maybe three chapters, do that.

Anyway, the dare is for the next chapter you write. (or two/three. Again, judge for yourself) When you are at home, you're not allowed to wear a stitch of clothing from the moment you start writing a new chapter. Once you start writing whatever the next chapter is, no clothes allowed at home. (Though you could start now mid chapter, and then let it run into the next chapter, but it'd have to last the entire following chapter. Let us know if that's the case) That means even when you aren't writing, you remain nude. You'll have yet another thing in common with Riley.

(If you have a roommate or someone like it, you may remain nude only in your room if necessary)

If there's someone at the door or for whatever reason you need some form of clothing, you're allowed to put on a gown or a short summer dress, but no underwear. You may of course wear clothes when you go out, though preferably no underwear. You don't have to wear a skirt. Shorts/jeans are fine. Just don't wear or do anything that could put you in any danger.

This lasts until the chapter (or chapters if you feel you can last for more than one) and then the dare is done.

But that's not all.

Whenever you actually sit down to write, you have to stop every now and then to play with yourself for a minimum of 30 seconds, but you're not allowed to cum. You'll not be allowed to cum for the entirety of this dare. You'll have to finger out (yes, that was intentional) what that "stop to play with yourself" trigger is, be it every two paragraphs you write, or maybe whenever you write the word "the" or whatever it is. Almost like a drinking game, except it's masturbation. You decide.

It must be something that'll keep you very aroused constantly and you'll be edging yourself just like Riley, but not to the point where you're driving yourself wild and you can't concentrate, as that'd hinder the writing process lol, and you'd likely accidentally cum.

Lastly, when you're playing with yourself, imagine your readers are watching you, or perhaps imagine that your Riley, and the readers are reading about what you're doing to yourself.

When you've completed the dare, you have permission to cum, and make it a massive one. ☺


Anyway, that's the dare. Again, let us know if you accept so we know your doing the dare and when you start. Perhaps start mid chapter so you start sooner, but it's up to you.

This'll serve two purposes: 1. You'll enjoy yourelf thoroughly throughout. And 2. Your lust and arousal will likely translate directly onto the chapter/chapters and should make the chapter(s) that much hotter.

Plus knowing what your doing to yourself whilst writing will add another layer of extreme eroticism to said chapter(s) and will make reading it even hotter!


Up to you if you want to accept. ☺

Yes, that is what I mean: that I have not done anything with a girl or guy.

I do accept the dare. I am going to copy this over to my other thread and can dive into it more there.

[Bucket]

Excellent!

I'd love to see you re-embrace that exhibitionist in you. Have fun with it. Try to relive those moments you had with your sister. We'll move this to your AMA thread as you say, and I'd love you to describe as much of whats going on with you during the the dare.

How has your breathing changed if at all? Any goosebumps? Are you feeling quite embarrassed, and if so, what's embarrassing you most? Have you had any close calls with any neighbours, friends or family? Did you at any point come too close to cumming etc.

Good luck Emily, and most importantly, have fun!

[Darky]

Love your story so far Emily, you keep pushing boundaries.

As my personal opinion is that your story is hard to read, due to the reviews of @bucket. Though appreciated. I don’t always have time to read your story as posted and it’s a search to find your chapters.

Anyway I still love your story, and looking forward to new chapters

Love,
Darky

[Bucket]

Just a few more suggestions for you quick:


• A fingering in public scene. The girls tell Lily to lean over, put her hand down Riley's pants or up her skirt, and finger/masturbate her for a prolonged period of time, perhaps in a restaurant. If Riley cums, she gets punished. Lots of "white knuckling",  lip biting and glossy, fluttering eyes.

• The girls text Riley while she's in class and tell her to play with herself, and she must time it or keep going until they text again. (She's wearing a skirt, no panties) She's either once again not allowed to cum, or maybe she can't take it anymore, and accidentally orgasms and can't help but make provocative sounds and unintentionally puts on a bit of a show.

• Maybe a buttplug in one or both girls? Or a bit more sex toys involved in someway.

• Another panty swap scene, only in public this time. Having re-read chapter 14, I briefly skimmed over the truth or dare scene from the previous chapter (another truth or dare scene would be great too) , and the panty swap scene was incredibly erotic. The two girls wearing each other's wetness was extremely hot. I imagine with the edging, their panties would be soaked this time.

• Speaking of re-reading chapter 14, I know I mentioned adding a link to each chapter within the first page before, but looking for chapter 14 took significantly longer than I expected.

Adding a link to each chapter would not only add a huge amount of ease and accessibility to new readers, but us seasoned readers that simply want to re-read a  particular chapter as well.

I know this one is a bit of a pain in the ass, but it'd elevate this story that much more for all readers. I could help you if you'd like. I could go over the chapters and provide a link for each one if it'd be of help.

I say that for two reasons:  

1. It's coming from a place of selfishness somewhat. If going through each chapter slows the writing process down, that'd suck as I'm Jonesing for the next 3 chapters.

(Don't worry. I'm not trying to pressure you in any way)

2. I adore this story, so if I can help, I genuinely don't mind. Also, as per Darky's comment, I know I'm partly responsible for convoluting the story with tons of my comments, so it's partially my fault lol.


That's all I got for now.

[Darky]

2. I adore this story, so if I can help, I genuinely don't mind. Also, as per Darky's comment, I know I'm partly responsible for convoluting the story with tons of my comments, so it's partially my fault lol.


That's all I got for now.

No hard feelings Bucket? It wasn’t meant to offend or attack you. But it also feels a little it’s going to be your story. And I wonder with so much idea’s why not write your own story? (Curiosity)

[Emily]

I have added a table of contents to the first chapter with links to every chapter. I will update this as I continue to write more chapters. Hopefully this helps with finding chapters and reading parts.