Sister's Anatomy Lesson (Chapter eight - 3/27/25)

[SeeEffenem]

My only critique:
Maggie is 12?
Yet she talks like a VERY sexually experienced woman, well beyond Alex’s 15.
I can appreciate she may have more experience than she lets on, but for a 12 year old to have that kind of cadence…?
Perhaps she really has had quite a bit of hands on experience.
Perhaps she learned to talk that way from seeing a lot of porn.
Or… perhaps there’s something metaphysical going on… an opportunity to take the story in a strange direction.
I don’t want this to come off as a slight to your writing, which is fantastic!
It’s just difficult to hear a 12 year old speak so eloquently and be SO sexually knowledgeable
Still hot though

Nonono, it's not a slight at all. To be honest. I was thinking that while writing it. I just got frustrated with trying to think of ways she might go about phrasing it. I might go back and tweak her word choice, give myself a better sense of how she talks going forward. I appreciate the critique

[NudeBaG]

thank you for being so gracious
It legitimately wasn’t written as a critique.
This is YOUR story, do with it what you will.
I was just pointing out that without explanation, Maggie’s dialogue is uncharacteristic of a 12 year old.
That’s all.
It’s hard to write from a different perspective.
Really challenging.
I respect and appreciate the effort

[Jeepman89]

Maggie is very spunky, however. I like spunk!

[NudeBaG]

Maggie is very spunky, however. I like spunk!

[SeeEffenem]

thank you for being so gracious
It legitimately wasn’t written as a critique.
This is YOUR story, do with it what you will.
I was just pointing out that without explanation, Maddie’s dialogue is uncharacteristic of a 12 year old.
That’s all.

You were right though, and I'm glad you called it out early, otherwise I might have gotten really frustrated later on. Truly and genuienly I appreciate it! I made a quick few little tweaks here and there. I've gotta invoke my inner child here and remember how she should talk lol. Lemme know if you think I'm back on the mark! This is the first story I've ever posted, so criticisms are very much appreciated actually

[SeeEffenem]

Now here's something I want to get settled sooner than later! It's my story and all, and I'll definitely mold it how I want. But!

What is the board's general consensus on CMNM, and the involvement of other guys in ENM? Should Alex's dad make an appearance, and act as an enforcer? "Do what your mother/sister says." Or, should he conveniently be on a business trip? I'd like to at least know what most people would enjoy seeing

Uhh, maybe consider this an indirect poll. 'Thank Me' for this comment if you'd want to see *some* amount of that. Either way, comment and let me know as well.

[Jeepman89]

A fantastic first story! Can't wait for the next chapter.

[NudeBaG]

thank you for being so gracious
It legitimately wasn’t written as a critique.
This is YOUR story, do with it what you will.
I was just pointing out that without explanation, Maddie’s dialogue is uncharacteristic of a 12 year old.
That’s all.

You were right though, and I'm glad you called it out early, otherwise I might have gotten really frustrated later on. Truly and genuienly I appreciate it! I made a quick few little tweaks here and there. I've gotta invoke my inner child here and remember how she should talk lol. Lemme know if you think I'm back on the mark! This is the first story I've ever posted, so criticisms are very much appreciated actually

You did that so quick!
And it fucking worked!
Well done!

[Jeepman89]

Please no CMNM in this great story! Let dad go an on business trip like you suggested.

[NudeBaG]

Now here's something I want to get settled sooner than later! It's my story and all, and I'll definitely mold it how I want. But!

What is the board's general consensus on CMNM, and the involvement of other guys in ENM? Should Alex's dad make an appearance, and act as an enforcer? "Do what your mother/sister says." Or, should he conveniently be on a business trip? I'd like to at least know what most people would enjoy seeing

Uhh, maybe consider this an indirect poll. 'Thank Me' for this comment if you'd want to see *some* amount of that. Either way, comment and let me know as well.

Dad’s are tricky.
I can’t really speak to this, since I’ve never really involved a dad in a meaningful/impactful way in any story.
Things to consider:
Is dad mad?
Does dad empathize with the son?
Does dad agree with the punishment?
Does dad add or subtract from the embarrassment factor?
Does dad add TOO MUCH to the embarrassment factor?
I personally find moms and daughters to be easier to incorporate and write with.
But you’re a strong writer.
And it’s your story.
For me, I’d like dad to be a non factor