The Cabin Boy Service Handbook

[spelvin]

The Cabin Boy Service Handbook
by Sam and Sandy Cartwright

Parents of girls, join our growing clientele!
Parents of boys, join our growing list of contractors1

QUESTION: What is Cabin Boy Service?

Cabin Boy Service is an office which is happy to provide any family with a daughter, or host child, with a boy, or guest child, who will act as that girl’s sibling or companion.

QUESTION: What rules do you expect your clients and your contractors to follow?

Clients are not to abuse our guest children either verbally or physically.

Guest children are not to wear clothes at any time. A guest child is to remain nude while attending family meals, meeting friends of the host parents, greeting friends of the host sister, and participating in family outings.

If a guest child is provided with sleepwear, swimming attire, a school uniform, a military uniform, a costume for a dramatic performance, a choir robe, or a garment for any other purpose, we will void the contract and seek another assignment for the guest child.

Display of affection is expected of the guest child. A guest child must kiss his host mother, his host sister, and any other female family members at the breakfast table in the morning. He must do the same before retiring for the night. If the host sister invites sleepover guests, he must kiss each sleepover guest. If the contract lasts during the school year, he must kiss any women schoolteachers at the beginning of class.

QUESTION: Where does Cabin Boy Service operate?

We hope to open a branch office in every community in the northern part of East Dakota.

Our services, however, are available in any community where agoric nudity is accepted.

QUESTION: How long is each contract?

No job is too big or too small.
It can be for a single weekend, a single holiday, or a single birthday.
We have had boys serving as babysitters for one evening.

On the other hand, a contract can last for an entire school year,
provided that the local school system will allow the guest child to attend class nude.

QUESTION: Why does the guest child have to be nude?

We believe that nudity is an essential element in a boy’s upbringing. If a boy is to become proud of his maleness, he should show his male body to everyone he meets.

We want every one of our guest children to feel confident in his nudity. Every boy should feel free to walk up to a girl, with his genitals in plain sight, and strike up a conversation.

Nudity is also good for a boy’s health. When the boy is outdoors, he acquires a healthy suntan and absorbs plenty of sun vitamins. Whether the boy is indoors or outdoors, his skin can more easily breathe through the pores of the skin.

A second reason is the educational value for the host sister and her friends. It is nothing unusual for the host child and her friends to request an anatomy lesson from the guest child. In such cases, we offer on-the-job training for the guest child. That way, he is certain not to confuse his corpus cavernosa for his corpus spongiosum.

And finally, agoric nudity is very pleasing to the female gender. Women and girls are constantly commenting that the younger guest children are cute and the older guest children are virile. We have received hundreds of letters from host family sisters, mothers, aunts, and grandmothers, and women schoolteachers, thanking us for setting that rule.

QUESTION: Are you sure that this arrangement is legal?

We pay not only the child’s parents but the child himself. Each month, the child receives a reasonable spending allowance, plus a deposit in his college fund.

If a guest child is dissatisfied with an assignment for any reason, we are willing to discuss the problem with him. If the problem cannot be resolved, we look for an assignment in which the guest child might be happier.

QUESTION: How are the host children and the guest children matched?

We have found common interests to weigh more heavily than physical features. Some children have become so engrossed in sharing their artistic, scientific, or athletic interests that they have foregone attending art camp, science camp, or athletic camp instead. They decided they could learn more by staying home and learning from each other.

We have tried matching children on taste in movies, but most of the children whom we serve have shown very little interest in movies. A frequent comment has been “not enough nudity.”

We have made some matches in amazingly narrow interests. One of our clients wrote:

"Our daughter is deep into philosophy and theology. She became fascinated with some Danish guy named Søren Kierkegaard and started reading all his books. Would you believe, our guest child is interested in the same author and has read some of the same books.

"They spend hours talking about this guy. They’re always talking about 'subjective and objective truths.' In a way this delights me, but in a way it scares me. Have I been telling subjective and objective falsehoods without realizing it?"

QUESTION: Is physical affection between the children allowed?

In some cases, the two children have spent the entire first evening hugging and smooching. If you saw how attractive some of the host children and guest children have been, you could understand why.

If neither child has started to mature physically, the children might wish to snuggle together in the same bed.

QUESTION: Is the host child also willing to be seen nude?

Sometimes, we get host children and guest children who aren’t modest because they’re not old enough to know that they’re supposed to be modest. We got this letter from one of our little charges:

"Dear Cabin Boy Services:

"Thank you for matching me up with Mitzi’s family. Mitzi’s mom is a great home school teacher. We’re learning to read and write and we’re only in the first grade.

"Mitzi’s a lot of fun. We chase each other and slap each other on the bottom. We put our mouths to each other’s tummies and blow on our tummies. Mitzi’s mom takes us to the park where we run around with no clothes on. The grown-ups smile and say, 'Aren’t they cute?' I think we’re cute too."

On the whole, though, this question is difficult to predict. Older host children have been modest and immodest, younger host children have been modest and immodest.

An affectionate host child might take her clothes off before cuddling a guest child. That way, both children can enjoy the skin-to-skin contact.

A host child’s attitude might change over time. If she starts to mature, she may start to ask for more privacy. If she becomes more accustomed to living with the guest child, she may begin leaving the door open more often.

However the host child feels, we ask the host parents and the guest child to respect the host child’s wishes.

QUESTION: What if an emotional bond results?

In collaboration with the Department of Human Services, we have helped host families foster and adopt guest children.

As far as we know, there have not been any marriages between host children and guest children. This could be explained on the grounds of the Westermarck effect, which predicts that permanent romantic relationships cannot result from children raised in the same household. However, someday, there may be an exception.

Parents of girls, what do you think?
Parents of boys, what do you think?
Don’t delay, pick up the phone today.
Call 555-3578.

[TeenFan]

Very interesting. What are the age ranges for the cabin boys?
Can I get one to mow the yard and clean the pool? Is there a Pool Boy model?