Pantsing and Stripping Forums

Hello ENFanatics.

Not a story here, just want to tell some jokes.


"Captured by Indians"

A cowboy is out riding the range one day, when he gets captured by Indians.
The Indians take the cowboy and his horse to their camp.
At the camp the rest of the Tribe gathers around, then the Chief comes out of his teepee.

"Three days from now, we are going to kill you," the Chief says. "But each day we will grant you one wish.
What would you like for your first wish?"

The cowboy thinks for a while and he says, "I wanna talk to my horse."

The Indians think this is strange. They've never had a request like this before, but they bring the cowboy
his horse. The cowboy steps up to his horse and whispers something into the horse's ear. The horse takes
off running out of the camp.

The next morning the horse comes back with a beautiful young woman in the saddle.
The cowboy sees this and "Oh NO", he says.

The Indians gather around the coyboy.
"Two days from now we kill you. What would you like for your second wish?" the Chief asks.

The cowboy thinks for a while. "I wanna talk to my horse," the cowboy says.
So the Indians bring him his horse, and the cowboy whispers in the horse's ear.
The horse takes off running out of camp again.

The next morning the cowboy sees the horse coming back, and there is a cat in the saddle.
Upon seeing the cat, the cowboy says "Oh NO."

The Indians gather around him one more time.
"Tomorrow we are going to kill you," the Chief says. "What would you like for your last wish?"

"I wanna talk to my horse," the cowboy says.

The Indians bring the horse over. The cowboy pulls the horse a little distance away so the Indians
can't hear him. The cowboy grabs the horse by the jaw. The cowboy looks the horse right in the eyes.
The cowboy gives instructions to the horse one more time...
"Now read my lips," the cowboy says, "Bring me the POSSE."


_________________________________________________________________________


"Back Alley Genie"


A guy is hanging around in an alley behind a bar, and he sees something shiny.
The guy picks the shiny thing up and it's a gold and silver colored lamp.
The lamp is a little dirty, so the guy starts to brush the dirt off.
A genie comes out of the lamp.

"Thank you for freeing me from the lamp. To reward you I will grant you
one wish. What would you like that wish to be?"

The guy doesn't have to think long. "I want a million bucks," the man says.

"Your wish is my command," the genie says, and the genie raises up both his hands.

Suddenly a million ducks fall from the sky. Ducks are flapping their wings.
Ducks are quacking about getting under the guy's feet.
To get away from the ducks the guy runs out of the alley. He runs around the building
and into the bar.

The guy goes up to the counter to order a beer.
Sitting at the bar, on a stool is a man, and this man is looking at a miniature piano sitting in front
of him. Sitting at the piano is a small piano player. This man at the piano is so small he couldn't have
been more than a foot tall. But boy could the miniature man play piano, switching from classical to jazz.

The guy from the alley taps the man on the stool, on the shoulder.
"Hey, that is amazing. Where did you get it?"

"I was out in the alley behind the bar," the man says.
"I found a lamp on the ground and I picked it up. I started rubbing the lamp and
a genie popped out. The genie said it would grant me one wish, but I think that genie is
hard of hearing. I didn't ask him for a twelve inch pianist."

A guy sees a pirate with a steering wheel on his crotch. He says, "Excuse me, sir, do you realize you have a steering wheel on your crotch?"

The pirate says, "Aye, and it's drivin' me nuts!"

-------------

A Russian soldier is running down the road in a panic. He sees a nun and runs up to her. He asks, "Sister, may I hide under your habit? It's and emergency! I'll explain later."

She says "Ok" and he scurries under her skirt. A short time later, two military police approach her and ask, "Have you seen a soldier come by here?"

She points down the road and says, "He went that way."

Once they're gone, the soldier climbs out from under her habit, looking relieved. He says, "Thank you, sister! I really don't want to go to Ukraine."

After he calms down a bit, he smiles and says, "I hope this isn't rude of me, but you have a great pair of legs."

The nun says, "Thanks. If you had looked higher, you would've seen a great pair of balls. I don't want to go to Ukraine, either!"

A man vacationing in Jamaica finds a nude beach. He enjoys his swimming and walking among the dunes naked.
Several people look closely at the man's penis, as he has a tattoo there. The man sees another young man with a long penis coming up
from the surf, "Hi there, great day for fun and sun," he says, then looks down and sees a similar tattoo on the other guy's penis.

"Hey, we look the same. My dick has a W and a Y showing, but when it gets longer it shows the name of my girlfriend WENDY. I see your
tattoo also has a W at the front and a Y at the end. What does your tattoo spell?"

The young man says, It's true you can't see it all unless I get an erection. My tattoo says "Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day"

Man, these slap! Can we get some more?

A beautiful young nurse's aide went into a male patient's room. She was a little shy and embarrassed because it was her first time giving a patient a sponge-bath. She pulled the covers down to his waist and helped him slip off the hospital gown.

As she started washing him, she heard him ask weakly through his oxygen mask, "Are my testicles black?"

She didn't know what he was being treated for, but apparently he was worried it was turning his testicles black. She blushed and said, "I don't know, sir; I'm just supposed to give you a bath."

As she kept washing, he asked again softly, "Are my testicles black?". She blushed and said, "Everything should be okay, sir."

After the third time he asked, she sighed and put down her sponge. She pulled the covers down, and saw his cock spring up. He was already aroused from the sponge-bath. She steeled herself and pushed his knees wide apart. She took his penis in her hand, pulling it up out of the way, and grasped his balls in the other. As she was moving them around and inspecting them thoroughly, he surprised her by ejaculating.

As she stared at the man and blushed profusely, his cock and balls still in her hands, he pulled off his mask, smiling, and said, "Thank you, miss, that was wonderful. But I still have to know -- are my test results back?"

----

(This one has a religious element to it. It's just meant as humor. My apologies if it offends you.)

Four nuns die in a car accident and find themselves standing in front of Saint Peter by the Pearly Gates. He smiles and says, "Of course I will let you enter, but first, do any of you have anything to confess?"

The first nun steps up and says, "Yes, Your Holiness, I once looked at a man's penis."

He points to a font of holy water and tells her, "Very well. Go anoint your eyes with this holy water and you may enter."

The second nun steps up and says, "Your Holiness, I once touched a man's penis."

He says, "Dip your hands in the holy water and then you may enter."

He turns around to see the fourth nun elbowing her way in front of the third one. He says, "Wait a moment, what is going on here?"

The fourth nun says, "I'm going to gargle some of that holy water before Sister Agnes here sticks her ass in it!"

A woman of around forty years old went to a neighbor's house and knocked on the door.
"Can I have some toilet paper? I ran out and I don't have the car today."

The neighbor, also a middle-aged woman, wants to help out.
"Sure. Just wait a minute. I'll get some for you."

A few minutes later the neighbor is back with a handful of toilet paper rolls.
"I hope this is okay. It's just a generic store brand."

A week later, the first woman sees her neighbor. She wants to thank the neighbor for helping out,
but she also has a comment or two.

"Thanks for saving me a trip to the store the other day. But you know that toilet paper you lent me, the generic brand, well they can call it
'John Wayne Brand' of toilet paper. You see that toilet paper is rough, it's tough, and it won't take shit off of nobody."