Can you get our pot of gold? by Executionus
Posted: Sun May 02, 2021 7:25 pm
Executionus wrote: Can you get our pot of gold? by Executionus
***Short one for the holiday. This makes use of my experience as a fantasy character writer, which is what I write when I'm not writing ENF stories***
Leprechauns are creatures that have lived for thousands of years, and yet humans almost never see us. We are brilliant, with magical powers of trickery and chance that always ensure our success in all things. However, every once in awhile one will get bored, especially on St. Patrick's Day where the humans are celebrating our existence because of some mortal and snakes or whatnot. The origins of mortal holidays bore me. Anyway, when one of us gets bored, we get "caught" by a mortal, who gets to play our favorite game: Can you get our pot of gold?
The rules are simple and few, but any of our kind who breaks one will be the laughing stock of the next century. Rule #1, no harm may come to the human. It's too easy to win that way. Rule #2, We cannot escape if a human is looking at us. We must trick the human into looking away. Rule #3, we have to lead the human in the correct direction, and we lose if they make it all the way to our gold. Rule #4, we must explain the rules to the chosen human, to give them a sporting chance. The most impressive wins are heralded among my people the way your kind celebrates which big idiot hit the other big idiot the hardest or threw the ball in the correct direction, or whatever it is your sports are supposed to be.
So this year, I had a trick that I wanted to try out for the unbelievable hilarity of it all. My name? Well, a mortal knowing a magical creature's true name gives you power over it. Then again, you're humans, it's not like you have any clue what you're doing. My name is Maa'gryph. Good luck!
...Those of you who weren't stupid enough to botch any spells related to my name that ended in horrible catastrophe, congratulations! You are the least stupid of the local herd. That is about as close to a compliment as you're going to get, so you might as well take it and do that fist in the air thingee that humans do when they miraculously avoid failure for once.
Anyway, this year I had a trick that simply had to be seen. I found a man. Or a boy. He looked like he was ready for procreation but laughably devoid of experience in the act, let's put it that way. When I saw the way he looked at the female, I knew he was the one. I was watching him right in the open, using luck skills to avoid detection. You see, whenever your kind looks "everywhere" for something, there is always something outside of your vision. I just make sure that you never think to look directly at me. I make myself super lucky. It's the most basic of tricks, but seeing as how your kind still hasn't evolved a defense for it, why mess with a perfect trick?
So, I allow this boy to see me hiding in a corner on St. Patrick's Day. Once seen, darn, I am under his power. Woe is me. I come out and explain the rules. The boy doesn't even believe me, right up until the point where I conjure up a gold coin in his hand. And in this day and age, it takes some serious special effects to get a human to believe in real magic right before his eyes. I blame your movies. Once he believes, though, the game is officially on!
He calls over the girl, and now I have two witnesses. This is worth double-points, obviously. It's a good challenge to get TWO humans to look away at the same time. As I begin walking backwards (to enjoy the show) towards my pot of gold, I use my magic skills to set the stage. You see, the other evasion trick we have besides the luck spell is invisibility. Of course, we can make anything invisible. Ever trip over or crash into something that you swear wasn't there until after you hit it? Yeah, that was probably one of us wanting a good laugh. Millennia of using that trick and it still never gets old.
So there I was, walking down the alley, and I was secretly making these poor teenagers' garments disappear. I started with the undergarments, shoes, and socks, since those would be noticed last. But then the fun began, as the rest became completely invisible too. To anyone looking, both of them were completely nude, not even wearing a watch or a ring. The boy and the girl, side-by-side, were so focused on me that they didn't notice each other's exposure. I could've easily told them, but that would be too easy, and not nearly as many points. Also, I made sure each one could still see their own clothing, just to really mess with them. Instead of telling them, I took a sharp turn to the right, which caused the girl to now be in front of the boy. And boy did he notice! He didn't know how, but he was staring at her naked back and backside with the same intensity he gave me just a moment earlier.
He didn't say a word, looking to me briefly as I gave him a wink. As he moved to her side, he saw that her nudity continued on the side, and he watched her breasts jiggle and bounce as she walked, nipples pink and perked up. He walked farther in front, making a triangle formation with the three of us, and trying to hide his perving as he tried to see between her legs. But oh no, he couldn't get a view like that without being obvious, and his poor human brain was working overtime trying to find a loophole. Meanwhile, the boy moving in front of the girl caused him to unknowingly expose himself to her. She glanced over and saw him in all of his glory! No shirt, no shoes, ready to be serviced! Her mouth opened as she saw his manhood, which was growing to full size from his own secret voyeurism. And with an extra artistic touch from yours truly, I bent light and the air to give him the appearance of being unhindered, sticking straight out as if nothing was holding him back. She looked at me, and again I gave a little wink. Now both were fighting their hormones to keep an eye on me, while most of their effort was spent keeping an eye on each other! And neither one knew that they too were on display...yet.
I waited for the inevitable...the boy moved so far in front that he could finally see her petite little bush as she walked. Her leg movement was blocking his view, though, so he eventually called out "Hey, hold up a second!" We all stopped, with me and the boy staring directly at the "nude" girl. As she stood straight, finally her little slit was there for us to see! He stared openly at his little chick friend, and suddenly it hit her. She put her arms over her to cover up and yelled "Oh my God, what are you staring at?" The boy, bad at lying, said "N..nothin', uh" And this removed all doubt in the girl's mind "OH MY GOD, AM I NAKED TO YOU??" She looked at herself and saw clothing, yet saw none on her friend. That's when it hit him too "Wait, how do you...am I naked too?" He screamed and put both hands covering himself. Both hormone-fueled, horny, and embarrassed teenagers yelled at each other, red-faced, for gawking at them like that for a whole minute without saying anything. The girl then looked in my direction and begged "Make our clothes come back!!"
Of course, right after saying that she realized that I wasn't there anymore. Tough luck, kids, but you both looked away during your screaming theatrics of shyness and perving. So having won, I removed the invisibility spell on their clothing. I also stole back my coin. No freebies! I'm sure they will have LOTS to talk about for the whole rest of the year! Of course, so will I. My little double-nudey trick was the highlight of this year's festivities! And I felt like bragging to you mortals, as well as bragging to every immortal I can get a hold of. Who knows? Maybe I'll have an even better trick for next year!
-----Eternally smiling,
Maa'gryph
Dirmaid Colm De Danann wrote: another Irish tale by Dirmaid Colm De Danann
I have a tale too, a wee bit ago I was walking around the woods contemplating like Becket smoking me pipe, when out of nowhere these three teen girls pull up on their bikes, before I could runaway they grabbed me by the legs and had me pinned to the ground. Oh meo or my I contended, If the others were to learn of this, that I had been jumped by three girls on bikes.
Now normally I try to pretend that I am just another "little person" which I easy at a pub in March, but for Chris' sakes why would a midget be dressed in a green Pilgrim's outfit In the middle of the woods in June no less? This girls were too young to be guilted by political correctness .
Giggling they kept asking me for my gold. I don't mind attention form the fairer female sex, its hard to get when you are 2 1/2 ft tall, but these harlots were AFTER ME GOLD!.
That bastard Disney told them that if they kept an eye on me I couldn't escape, staring at me they prodded me in the belly, then the bastards took of me shoes and tried to tickle me feet. I thought for a second.
" I give up I said, I'll give you me gold"
They jumped up and down squealing, but I had a plan.
I asked them for one of their cell phones. Yes, I know it’s the 21st century and everyone has one, but I still have buckles instead of shoe laces, I told them I was calling me banker in the forest, the girls didn't know Gaelic so I openly told my plan to my fairy friend Alex.
NO, fairy as in wings, not that kind, Alex is also I she. I told them I would show them the way, they would have to carry me there so I wouldn't get away, but because of that they had to abandon their bikes.
They walked to clearing where there was a little pool of water, where Alex was. Not just because of her radiant white skin, They were slightly taken aback, most fairies don't wear clothes in the summer . I walked up to Alex and winked I wanted to make a deposit, she looked at her blackberry ( Fairies are ahead of us technologically but still behind you). She explained that my policy didn't included automatic withdraw, also there was no rainbow nearby so I couldn't access my Gold.
The Girls looked mad. The Fairy said there is a way I can give you gold but it will cost you girls.
The girls looked at each other.
"I can your spin cloth into gold, well your clothes"
Two of the girls seemed reactant, but the one with black hair tore of her top and shorts and handed it to Alex. Behind her she picked up a miniature spin wheel
Alex cut the clothes with gold scissors into wee bits and ran it through the wheel, golden string came out that she squeezed into gold coins. The black haired girl squealed with joy as she was handed the gold. The others eyes filled with greed and they stripped to their underwear too, but were given less gold coins than the black haired girl. They were about to scream at Alex but she said they needed more cloth. The short blonde one with curly hair took of her sneakers and gave her sock, Alex then said their shoes had cloth.
They all agreed they could walk home bare foot since they were already going home in their under wear, being a cobbler I helped them rip their shoes apart.
But the black hair girl after counting her few coins without think took her bra off as she walked up to Alex.
But Alex not wearing a stitch herself told her that a young girl like herself in summer had no need of clothes and that her underwear with the bra would produce good gold.
Alex smiled as the black haired one eagerly stepped out of her panties and handed them over, it was rare to see a human dressed like a fairy. Her friends who still her me were annoyed, but she told them
"we're just girls, besides I can sneak through the back my parents aren’t home"
The others weren't going to do it, until Alex spun out ten large coins.
The two girls were so shocked they dropped me giving freedom to escape into thee shrubbery.
"Not fair" the other girls shouted
The black haired one had more coins they she could hold, she clutched them again her bare chest, with Cromwell's vain, she wiggled her pale butt and stuck her tongue out, and started to do a dance.
The others practically ripped their underwear off and ran over to Alex holding out their knickers screaming for them to be turned into gold.
Alex grinded obliged, she told them that she was glad that the girls were embracing fairy dress.
I watched as the two jumped up and down and squealed.
Alex held out her two hands and let the coins slip their existing hoards they could barley hold on their chest.
They all clutched their gold coins and laughed they didn't notice that I was gone.
They were all laughing and counting their coins they didn't notice the storm clouds. They looked up when they saw they flash, and as soon as the thunder struck the rains they begin a pouring down. Alex and her spin wheel had disappeared in they were exposed to the storm in the clearing. They all ran all scattered, but they ran they dropped their coins, its was the black haired girl who tripped spilled all hers first, as rummaged through the mud trying to pick them up she screamed, they had designated into bits of string, the other girls looking down into their arms. Their coins were no more, nor their clothes.
All three of them were now cognoscente that they were like the first humans, bare naked in the woods... without money.
The two blonde hair girls pushed the black haired girl into the mud, screaming at her.
If she hadn't had a Scotsman's greed they still have their underwear.
It was fun to watch them roll around and fight each other, but I aren't a cruel man. I had their bikes appear right across from them, as soon as they saw them they ran towards them picked them up, got on the path and rushed home.
They rushed out of the woods and were on the edge of a street, they didn't even stop as they rushed by a screeching car, they turned into an alleyway, threw their bikes to the side, the black haired girl struggled with the fence door until she kicked it open, they all ran in up to the slider door, when she realized she left her key in her pants….
But it didn't matter the girl's mother was there and shocked that she see her, and her two friends dressed like the day they was born. She made them stand on the patio as she dried them off with towels, I by this point had snuck in through the doggy door and hid in the cupboard, I wanted to see what the girls would say, "a leprechaun tricked them out of their clothes.. Or A midget in green and a naked banker converted their assets into something that quickly lost value"
The one blonde one was quick tin the head and said they went skinny dipping, when the thunder started, they couldn't find their clothes and rushed home.
The mother laughed and said she was glad they were alright, but said they should shower the remaining mud off, they were about to go one at time when she said they shouldn't bother being modest now and that they might as well do it together.
As the girl's showered I left three gold coins on the bathroom counter, the price I paid for this amusing story, I however kept the slider door key.
Dirmaid Colm De Danann