Kristen was one of the most popular girls in school. She was considered a "bad girl" in her town. She was pretty and tall with a well developed figure. All the boys wanted to hook up with her, and many girls too. She loved the attention and loved having power over her friends in this way. Kristen was manipulative and knew how to get people to do whatever she wanted.
Jenny was Kristen's new neighbor. Jenny was two years younger, and very innocent and naive because she had been homeschooled her whole life. Jenny didn't really understand the world, or herself. She was small and sweet and wore purple glasses. Kristen just knew that she could have tons of fun with Jenny, so when her mom told her to befriend the new girl in town, she happily agreed.
Kristen invited Jenny to come with her group of guy and girl friends to the beach. Jenny's mother encouraged her to go so she could make friends in her new town. On the way to the beach, Kristen told Jenny that she would teach her how to fit in with the kids in their town, and how to be cool and popular. Jenny was so excited to have this help from her older cooler new friend. She wanted to be popular just like her.
At the beach, the group set out a bunch of towels in a circle for them all to lay on so they could look at each other and be able to talk. All of the girls took off their clothes and were left to just their bikinis. The guys took off their shirts, and they all began hanging out like they normally would. The beach was very crowded today like always.
Jenny was nervous to take off her cover up but she did it slowly and laid down with the rest of the girls. She wore a pink one piece bathing suit. The whole group noticed her underdeveloped breasts and tiny frame. Her skin was so pale it was almost white.
"Cute swimsuit, Jenny!" Said Kristen.
"Oh haha thank you" Replied Jenny. It was obvious she had not left her house much. She barely knew how to interact with people. She was very nervous and awkward and confused.
Kristen began saying "Jenny, one thing you'll want to know is everyone around here has a tan. See." She put her arm next to Jenny's to show the stark contrast. "You should try to get one today. All of us do it and I know you want to fit in."
Jenny didn't know much about tanning but she agreed because she looked up to Kristen. "How should I do that?" She asked.
"Well, you'll have to lie down in the sun and take ur swimsuit off. Don't worry though, I promise you everyone here does it."
"Oh my" Jenny thought to herself. She had never taken her swimsuit off around so many others before. But, if that's what they do here she had to fit in. And she wanted to look tan like Kristen.
"Okay" said Jenny. "Good, you can just take it off and lay on your towel. We won't watch you" said Kristen with a sly smile. Jenny wasn't picking up on the tone because she was so innocent.
Everyone kept their eyes locked on Jenny as she peeled the one piece down her tiny body. She wasn't facing them so she didn't know they were all ogling at her. She pulled it down over her tiny white butt and it made a tugging sound as the fabric released itself from the folds of her butt and vagina. She was already giving the entire beach quite a show without even knowing it. Jenny placed the swimsuit aside and laid down on her towel exposing the full front of her body to the group. They were all in awe at the things Kristen could make people do. Jenny's breasts were tiny and milky white with little pink nipples that pointed right up toward the sky. Her stomach was perfectly flat and her ribs were a bit exposed when she laid down. Her mound barely had any hair, just a few strands of blonde, that did nothing to hide her little slit.
"Jenny, move to the center of the circle. You'll get more direct rays from the sun." Jenny did as she was told and now was laid out naked in the middle of the circle. The group was very happy to see Jenny's tiny body.
"There you go, Jenny, do you feel okay?" Asked Kristen.
Jenny felt a little strange but she felt okay. She knew she was safe with Kristen. Jenny laid just like that, naked on the beach, as people, families, and children walked by. They all had to do a double take at the fully naked little girl in the middle of a group of teenagers.
After about five minutes, Kristen gasped. "Oh my Gosh, Jenny, how could I be so irresponsible? I totally forgot, if you're going to tan you need to put sunscreen on your sensitive parts!! Otherwise you could get burned and seriously hurt. Do you know what I mean by sensitive parts?"
"No" Jenny replied nervously. She did not want to get burned or hurt by the sun.
"Well don't worry little Jenny, I'll help you" said Kristen. Kristen walked over to Jenny with a bottle of sunscreen in her hand. "So the sensitive parts on your body are anywhere that your skin is pink. Like right here." Kristen poked both of Jenny's tiny nipples with her pointer fingers. "You can tell it's sensitive if it hurts when you pinch it. I'll show you." Kristen pinched Jenny's tiny sensitive nipples and she winced in pain. "Sorry, I'm just showing you. This right here is also very sensitive." Kristen reached down and took both of Jenny's tiny thighs in her hands. She parted them about a foot and lifted them slightly, exposing Jenny's tiny glimmering pussy to the group and to the entire beach. The boys all whistled and hollered, put poor innocent Jenny thought they were just happy for her to learn these new things. Kristen felt so empowered with this tiny naive girl doing absolutely anything she told her to do.
"See" Kristen pinched Jenny's little clit and she doubled over on her side in pain. "Those are your sensitive areas. I need to cover them in sunscreen so your skin doesn't burn. "Okay, thank you Kristen" said Jenny smiling. "Just please put your arms above your head so your nipples poke out even more" Jenny did it, flattening her little boobies into non-existence. Kristen grabbed the bottle of sunscreen and squirted out just enough to dollop onto each of Jenny's nipples. She then reached down and applied it massaging and gently pulling on the girls ripe tender tits. Her nipples were completely covered with the thick white cream. Kristen then grabbed some more of the sunscreen and reached between Jenny's legs. She began slowly gently massaging the girls tender lips and clit. Jenny had never been touched like this before but she knew it was okay if Kristen said so. "Let me make sure I get it nice and good on all your tiny sensitive folds" said Kristen with an evil grin. She then gently circled the girl's opening with her middle finger, looking up at all the boys. They started chanting, "Put it in, put it in." Jenny thought they must know another sensitive area that Kristen had to cover. Kristen slowly inserted her finger into the girls tight virgin pussy. The group roared with laughter and excitement. They could not believe what was going on!
Kristen felt Jenny's little hymen against her finger and saw the confusion in the poor girls eyes so she decided to stop for now. She took her finger out and continued applying lotion to the girl's shiny pink folds. "Okay, you are all set." said Kristen wiping the sunscreen off her hands. "Thank you Kristen" replied Jenny, closing her legs. "Oh no Jenny, you have to leave your legs open so the cream can dry." Jenny listened and pulled them apart. "Further." said Kristen. Jenny pulled them apart further, opening up her outer labia to the entire beach. "Further." said Kristen. "As far as you can go." The little girl pulled her legs apart as far as the could go, opening even her inner labia now. The poor thing couldn't understand that she was showing every inch of herself! With her arms behind her head, her legs spread fully open, she was on full display. Everyone who walked by could even see into her tight little glimmering pink pussy! Kristen was very proud of her work.
After an hour of Jenny lying like that on the beach, Kristen said "Okay Jenny, time to turn you over and tan your backside. We have to tan that little white butt of yours."
"Okay Kristen" replied Jenny as she turned over and put her stomach and breasts on the towel.
"To tan your butt you have to put it high up in the air okay, but keep your head on the towel." Kristen looked at the group as everyone laughed, anticipating what was coming next. Jenny lifted her butt high up to the sky, keeping her knees and head on the towel. Her tiny white butt was glowing in the sunlight for the whole beach to see. "Great, Jenny, now just arch your back okay?" Jenny arched her back and as she did it, her tiny little puckered asshole came right into view. Kristen was so happy to see the most vulnerable parts of this girl being given away for the group's enjoyment, and Jenny didn't even question her! It was a dream come true.
"Oh Jenny, I found a new sensitive spot. We can all see your little butthole exposed from between your butt cheeks." Jenny's cheeks flushed as Kristen said this, she was beginning to feel embarrassed, but she would do anything to become popular. Kristen continued, "I'm going to put some sunscreen on there for you" Kristen grabbed the bottle again and squirted out a small amount. "Can you just expose your tiny butthole a bit more so its easier for me to see. It's so tiny I can't really get to it. Reach back with your hands and spread your butt cheeks wide open." Jenny reached back and pulled her cheeks apart so Jenny had full access to her little hole. The boys jaws dropped at the sight of Jenny, back arched, face on the ground, exposing her most intimate and private areas to not only them, but everyone walking by them at the beach! How was she so naive?
"Like this?" Jenny asked holding open her butt cheeks. "A little more would be great stretch it as much as you can." Jenny stretched her butt cheeks even further apart pulling open her tiny asshole so Kristen could see right inside. Kristen took the sunscreen on her finger and began massaging the tiny hole while Jenny held it open for her. "Do it" whispered one of the boys and Kristen shoved her entire pointer finger right up Jenny's tight asshole! Jenny fell into the sand in pain. "Oh Jenny I'm so sorry my finger slipped!" She said as the boys all laughed. Jenny knew it was only a mistake and she forgave her friend for invading her private hole. "Okay, now keep holding your butt open to let the cream dry" said Kristen as she went back to her towel. And Jenny did. She arched her back and exposed her pussy and asshole to the world. She spread her butt wide and let the sun and ocean breeze enter her asshole as all eyes were on her. And the whole time she had no idea what was truly going on in Kristen's dirty head.
(Maybe more to come!)
A Day at the Beach (Parts 1 and 2)
A Day at the Beach (Parts 1 and 2)
Last edited by miss.tery on Sun Mar 14, 2021 8:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: A Day at the Beach
I certainly hope so!
Though Jenny is perhaps a little too gullible for believability, the interaction between Kristen and Jenny is marvelous. You might help that plausibility by having Jenny become aware of what is going on but wants so badly to fit in with the popular crowd that she will do anything to be accepted by the group -even to the point of self-humiliation.
Very enjoyable first chapter and I am eagerly looking forward to many more chapters.
Hooked6
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Re: A Day at the Beach
Great start, do continue!
I hope some of the friends get a camera or their phones out and get some pictures of her exposing herself like that.
I hope some of the friends get a camera or their phones out and get some pictures of her exposing herself like that.
- Revengedpirate
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Re: A Day at the Beach
That’s a lot you could do, but being as naive as you’ve made this character she’s not really going to be embarrassed because she doesn’t know it’s not the normal. You’ve not had anyone explain to her what’s happening to her is wrong or that she shouldn’t expose herself like that.
A character needs to be self aware that it’s embarrassing a naive character in that sense doesn’t work because there not self conscious
A character needs to be self aware that it’s embarrassing a naive character in that sense doesn’t work because there not self conscious
Re: A Day at the Beach
(Part 2)
After another hour, Kristen told Jenny she could flip back over onto her back. Jenny was beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable being the only one in the group naked. She looked around the beach and noticed everyone else had their swimsuit on. A strange feeling crept over her. She was starting to feel unsafe.
"Why am I the only one here naked?" Jenny asked the group.
The group laughed. Jenny knew something was wrong. One of the boys called out "Because Kristen's making fun of you! She's making you do all that horrible stuff. Don't you know you shouldn't show yourself like that!" He got up and left, uncomfortable with the whole situation. Everyone else stayed, they were too eager to see what would happen next.
"Shut up!" yelled Kristen. The group was stunned he would call Kristen out for her wrongdoings.
Jenny felt so embarrassed and used. How could she be so stupid! Of course none of that was normal. She should have never trusted Kristen. Her pale face and neck were turning red as she realized everything she just did. She exposed her private parts to the entire beach! Her mom always told her to keep those parts to herself and not let anyone see. She pulled her arms in over her tiny tits and mound in an attempt to salvage any dignity she had left. The group laughed, "It's no use trying to cover up now, we've already seen every inch of you." Jenny started to cry.
"Don't cry Jenny", said Kristen rubbing the poor girl's back. "I promised you I'd make you popular, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. We can officially initiate you into our group. But you have to do everything I say, no matter what."
"I want to be popular Kristen, but I can't keep showing myself." She was sobbing now. "I'm already embarrassed about what you made me do."
"Okay, Jenny. Then leave. See how many friends you can make on your own, with that childlike body of yours and those purple glasses. You'd never be anybody without us."
Jenny tried to think. She wanted so badly to fit in. She'd be attending the high school and as someone who was homeschooled it would be impossible for her to make friends. She reluctantly decided to put up with the embarrassment for today. It would be worth it.
"Fine, Kristen", Jenny said, drying her tears. "I'll do what you say."
"Good girl", said Kristen. "You made the right choice. You're gonna be so hot and popular! Now, you'll see that all of us popular girls have plump round asses. That's what boys like these days. So you'll need to do some exercises to get your butt a bit perkier."
Jenny didn't like the idea of moving around and drawing more attention to her naked self, but this was what she had to do. "Okay." she replied, standing up. Now she noticed all of the strange stares and glances from onlookers. They weren't just curious, they were all disgusted. They all looked right down at her bare pussy on display. Her chest broke out in hives from the embarrassment. But, she had to suck it up.
"Okay, great. Now we are gonna have you do 20 squats. And make sure you say the numbers out loud after each squat."
Jenny bent down, barely bending her knees for fear of exposing her vagina to the beach. "One" she said quietly.
The group laughed. "No" Said Kristen. "You need to spread your legs apart and go down low to the ground. Try again"
"Two" said Jenny, bending lower.
"Nope. Your first one didn't count so start back at one. You need to say the numbers louder. And you need to bend down lower."
Jenny huffed, she was turning red and a bit sweaty. She had barely exercised before.
"One!" She yelled, bending down to the ground.
Kristen walked over and slapped Jenny's flat butt hard. Jenny flinched. "No!" Kristen yelled. "I said LOWER and LOUDER." She pulled her straw out of her soda cup. She walked back over to Jenny. "Spread your cheeks open." She demanded. Jenny wouldn't do it. She couldn't think of showing the beach her tiny little asshole all over again. This was humiliating. She felt so stupid. "Do as I say or I'll spank you again in front of this whole beach like you're a disobedient child." Jenny reached back and spread her butt open. Kristen gently inserted the straw into Jenny's tight asshole, up about 2 inches. "This is for measurement. You better squat down so low that this straw touches the sand."
There was Jenny, naked in front of a packed beach, with a straw sticking out of her butt. Jenny felt so disgusting. She saw everyone looking between her butt cheeks at this protrusion in her asshole. It felt so strange holding it inside her butt. But, she knew if she could just endure today she'll be so much better off.
"Now start back at one and do it right. Low and loud!"
"One!" Jenny yelled, calling the attention of mostly the entire beach as she stuck the straw into the sand. Kristen loved seeing everyone look at Jenny in this awful vulnerable state.
"That's a good girl. Keep going!"
"Two!" yelled Jenny. Kristen was loving this. She secretly snapped a few photos on her cell phone to look at later. She zoomed in on the straw in Jenny's butthole, especially when she bent down and there was a clear view of the straw plugging up her tiny puckered hole.
"Three!" This time, when Jenny squatted down, her butthole loosened and out fell the straw.
"Jenny!" shouted Kristen. "Why can't you do it right? Get over here! Bring your straw with you."
Kristen sat on the ground and guided Jenny down so she was laying face down over her lap. Jenny's tiny butt was right in front of Kristen's face. Jenny's heart was pounding. She didn't know what was gonna happen next.
First, Kristen spanked her five times on each cheek. This hurt Jenny's tiny butt and left her white skin a bright shade of pink.
A mother walking by felt sympathy for Jenny. "Aw, has she been a bad girl?" she asked. "Yes, but she's learning to obey me." replied Kristen. Jenny turned so red all over her body! They thought she was a child! She felt like tears begin to well up again. This was so humiliating.
"Okay Jenny. Let's figure out why you can't hold anything in this little butthole." Kristen spread Jenny's cheeks and looked around. "Are your muscles weak here?"
"I don't know" replied Jenny quietly. This feeling of being spread open for all to see felt so wrong. There were even old men that were ogling at her!
"Well let's practice a bit. When I say 'open', I want you to loosen your butthole muscles just as if you were going to the bathroom. And when I say 'close' I want you to squeeze them shut like your holding something in. Okay?"
This was getting really out of hand. Now Kristen was controlling Jenny's tiny muscles and watching as they contract and flex! Jenny had never felt so exposed in her life. She had not a single ounce of dignity left with Kristen's hands firmly spreading her butt cheeks to watch the way her asshole performed for her. She felt so dirty and disgusting, but this was what she had to do.
"Open" Jenny tried to let her hole open up for Kristen.
"Oh, I see. Your muscles are weak. That's okay Jenny, I'll help you. I'll give you something to press against." Kristen took her right pointer and put it up against Jenny's butthole, but Jenny clenched tight. She didn't want to be fingered in the butt for everyone to watch. "I suggest you let me in Jenny, or I'll show everyone the photos I took of you with the straw. I'll even show your mom what I made you do. Would you like that?" Kristen pulled up the photos on her phone. Jenny started to cry again at the thought of her mom seeing them, they were vile. Her mom would never want to see her poor baby being exposed, penetrated and humiliated in front of dozens of people!
"It's okay, sweet girl." said Kristen, kissing the girls forehead "I won't show anyone, as long as you keep being a good girl for me." Tears kept streaming down Jenny's face as she let the finger enter her hole.
"Thats it Jenny, open" Jenny let Kristen's finger slide deep into her rectum. "Close" Jenny tried to push Kristen's finger out. It was a bit difficult, and her face got red as she used her might to push the resistant finger with her muscles. "Good girl" said Kristen. "Let's get these muscles nice and strong, then we'll work on these" She squeezed Jenny's little butt cheeks. And so they continued, having Jenny pump Kristen's finger in and out of her rectum as groups of people walked by, all doing a double take at what on earth they were witnessing on the beach today.
(Maybe more to come!)
After another hour, Kristen told Jenny she could flip back over onto her back. Jenny was beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable being the only one in the group naked. She looked around the beach and noticed everyone else had their swimsuit on. A strange feeling crept over her. She was starting to feel unsafe.
"Why am I the only one here naked?" Jenny asked the group.
The group laughed. Jenny knew something was wrong. One of the boys called out "Because Kristen's making fun of you! She's making you do all that horrible stuff. Don't you know you shouldn't show yourself like that!" He got up and left, uncomfortable with the whole situation. Everyone else stayed, they were too eager to see what would happen next.
"Shut up!" yelled Kristen. The group was stunned he would call Kristen out for her wrongdoings.
Jenny felt so embarrassed and used. How could she be so stupid! Of course none of that was normal. She should have never trusted Kristen. Her pale face and neck were turning red as she realized everything she just did. She exposed her private parts to the entire beach! Her mom always told her to keep those parts to herself and not let anyone see. She pulled her arms in over her tiny tits and mound in an attempt to salvage any dignity she had left. The group laughed, "It's no use trying to cover up now, we've already seen every inch of you." Jenny started to cry.
"Don't cry Jenny", said Kristen rubbing the poor girl's back. "I promised you I'd make you popular, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. We can officially initiate you into our group. But you have to do everything I say, no matter what."
"I want to be popular Kristen, but I can't keep showing myself." She was sobbing now. "I'm already embarrassed about what you made me do."
"Okay, Jenny. Then leave. See how many friends you can make on your own, with that childlike body of yours and those purple glasses. You'd never be anybody without us."
Jenny tried to think. She wanted so badly to fit in. She'd be attending the high school and as someone who was homeschooled it would be impossible for her to make friends. She reluctantly decided to put up with the embarrassment for today. It would be worth it.
"Fine, Kristen", Jenny said, drying her tears. "I'll do what you say."
"Good girl", said Kristen. "You made the right choice. You're gonna be so hot and popular! Now, you'll see that all of us popular girls have plump round asses. That's what boys like these days. So you'll need to do some exercises to get your butt a bit perkier."
Jenny didn't like the idea of moving around and drawing more attention to her naked self, but this was what she had to do. "Okay." she replied, standing up. Now she noticed all of the strange stares and glances from onlookers. They weren't just curious, they were all disgusted. They all looked right down at her bare pussy on display. Her chest broke out in hives from the embarrassment. But, she had to suck it up.
"Okay, great. Now we are gonna have you do 20 squats. And make sure you say the numbers out loud after each squat."
Jenny bent down, barely bending her knees for fear of exposing her vagina to the beach. "One" she said quietly.
The group laughed. "No" Said Kristen. "You need to spread your legs apart and go down low to the ground. Try again"
"Two" said Jenny, bending lower.
"Nope. Your first one didn't count so start back at one. You need to say the numbers louder. And you need to bend down lower."
Jenny huffed, she was turning red and a bit sweaty. She had barely exercised before.
"One!" She yelled, bending down to the ground.
Kristen walked over and slapped Jenny's flat butt hard. Jenny flinched. "No!" Kristen yelled. "I said LOWER and LOUDER." She pulled her straw out of her soda cup. She walked back over to Jenny. "Spread your cheeks open." She demanded. Jenny wouldn't do it. She couldn't think of showing the beach her tiny little asshole all over again. This was humiliating. She felt so stupid. "Do as I say or I'll spank you again in front of this whole beach like you're a disobedient child." Jenny reached back and spread her butt open. Kristen gently inserted the straw into Jenny's tight asshole, up about 2 inches. "This is for measurement. You better squat down so low that this straw touches the sand."
There was Jenny, naked in front of a packed beach, with a straw sticking out of her butt. Jenny felt so disgusting. She saw everyone looking between her butt cheeks at this protrusion in her asshole. It felt so strange holding it inside her butt. But, she knew if she could just endure today she'll be so much better off.
"Now start back at one and do it right. Low and loud!"
"One!" Jenny yelled, calling the attention of mostly the entire beach as she stuck the straw into the sand. Kristen loved seeing everyone look at Jenny in this awful vulnerable state.
"That's a good girl. Keep going!"
"Two!" yelled Jenny. Kristen was loving this. She secretly snapped a few photos on her cell phone to look at later. She zoomed in on the straw in Jenny's butthole, especially when she bent down and there was a clear view of the straw plugging up her tiny puckered hole.
"Three!" This time, when Jenny squatted down, her butthole loosened and out fell the straw.
"Jenny!" shouted Kristen. "Why can't you do it right? Get over here! Bring your straw with you."
Kristen sat on the ground and guided Jenny down so she was laying face down over her lap. Jenny's tiny butt was right in front of Kristen's face. Jenny's heart was pounding. She didn't know what was gonna happen next.
First, Kristen spanked her five times on each cheek. This hurt Jenny's tiny butt and left her white skin a bright shade of pink.
A mother walking by felt sympathy for Jenny. "Aw, has she been a bad girl?" she asked. "Yes, but she's learning to obey me." replied Kristen. Jenny turned so red all over her body! They thought she was a child! She felt like tears begin to well up again. This was so humiliating.
"Okay Jenny. Let's figure out why you can't hold anything in this little butthole." Kristen spread Jenny's cheeks and looked around. "Are your muscles weak here?"
"I don't know" replied Jenny quietly. This feeling of being spread open for all to see felt so wrong. There were even old men that were ogling at her!
"Well let's practice a bit. When I say 'open', I want you to loosen your butthole muscles just as if you were going to the bathroom. And when I say 'close' I want you to squeeze them shut like your holding something in. Okay?"
This was getting really out of hand. Now Kristen was controlling Jenny's tiny muscles and watching as they contract and flex! Jenny had never felt so exposed in her life. She had not a single ounce of dignity left with Kristen's hands firmly spreading her butt cheeks to watch the way her asshole performed for her. She felt so dirty and disgusting, but this was what she had to do.
"Open" Jenny tried to let her hole open up for Kristen.
"Oh, I see. Your muscles are weak. That's okay Jenny, I'll help you. I'll give you something to press against." Kristen took her right pointer and put it up against Jenny's butthole, but Jenny clenched tight. She didn't want to be fingered in the butt for everyone to watch. "I suggest you let me in Jenny, or I'll show everyone the photos I took of you with the straw. I'll even show your mom what I made you do. Would you like that?" Kristen pulled up the photos on her phone. Jenny started to cry again at the thought of her mom seeing them, they were vile. Her mom would never want to see her poor baby being exposed, penetrated and humiliated in front of dozens of people!
"It's okay, sweet girl." said Kristen, kissing the girls forehead "I won't show anyone, as long as you keep being a good girl for me." Tears kept streaming down Jenny's face as she let the finger enter her hole.
"Thats it Jenny, open" Jenny let Kristen's finger slide deep into her rectum. "Close" Jenny tried to push Kristen's finger out. It was a bit difficult, and her face got red as she used her might to push the resistant finger with her muscles. "Good girl" said Kristen. "Let's get these muscles nice and strong, then we'll work on these" She squeezed Jenny's little butt cheeks. And so they continued, having Jenny pump Kristen's finger in and out of her rectum as groups of people walked by, all doing a double take at what on earth they were witnessing on the beach today.
(Maybe more to come!)
- Revengedpirate
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Re: A Day at the Beach (Parts 1 and 2)
Hi, this story is good, it’s still a bit implausible, Kristen character is absolutely fine. Great bullying and strong. Jenny’s character is kind of all over the place. In the first chapter she’s too naive so she wouldn’t get embarrassed because it’d be like the normal for her.
Second chapter she’s a sandwich short of a picnic basket. Having a character explain to her what she is doing was great it overcame her total lack of understanding of the situation she is in. But I don’t see why she didn’t put her costume back on or run off after gaining understanding of the situation.
It’s a really weird character whose sort of completely in the dark but knows what’s going on.
I don’t think I’ve ever met a Jenny in real life. Though that would be totally amazing to meet her.
Second chapter she’s a sandwich short of a picnic basket. Having a character explain to her what she is doing was great it overcame her total lack of understanding of the situation she is in. But I don’t see why she didn’t put her costume back on or run off after gaining understanding of the situation.
It’s a really weird character whose sort of completely in the dark but knows what’s going on.
I don’t think I’ve ever met a Jenny in real life. Though that would be totally amazing to meet her.
Re: A Day at the Beach (Parts 1 and 2)
Hey thanks for your feedback. This is my first time writing a story of this nature! I'll keep everything in mind.Revengedpirate wrote: ↑Sun Mar 14, 2021 10:06 am Hi, this story is good, it’s still a bit implausible, Kristen character is absolutely fine. Great bullying and strong. Jenny’s character is kind of all over the place. In the first chapter she’s too naive so she wouldn’t get embarrassed because it’d be like the normal for her.
Second chapter she’s a sandwich short of a picnic basket. Having a character explain to her what she is doing was great it overcame her total lack of understanding of the situation she is in. But I don’t see why she didn’t put her costume back on or run off after gaining understanding of the situation.
It’s a really weird character whose sort of completely in the dark but knows what’s going on.
I don’t think I’ve ever met a Jenny in real life. Though that would be totally amazing to meet her.
- Revengedpirate
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Re: A Day at the Beach (Parts 1 and 2)
I thought it might be. I loved the premise though, it was well written and I liked Kristen. It was a very good story liked it
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