Ella and Stella explain how to do it.

[spelvin]

FADE to INT: Miss Susan’s office. ELLA and STELLA

ELLA
Hi. I’m Ella and this is Stella.
We are greeting you from the counselor’s office at Littleford Elementary School.
Miss Susan asked us to give you a lesson on . . .

CUT to CARD reading “How to Undress a Boy”

ELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . how to undress a boy.

CUT back to Ella and Stella

ELLA
And that’s what we intend to do.
A boy in our hands will get naked and STAY that way!
But we’re going to go over several rules, and you may want to take notes.
But the first rule is very simple. And that’s . . .

CUT to CARD reading “Always travel in pairs”

ELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . always travel in pairs.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. ELLA and STELLA

ELLA
This is very important because undressing boys could get very sensitive.
You might need emotional support.
This is easy for Stella and me because we’re sisters,
but if you don’t have a sister, look around and you should be able to find one.
We will now take you to a local park where we took a trip with Miss Susan.

CUT to EXT: playground in summertime. WILLIAM is climbing on a jungle gym. He is wearing a T-shirt knee-length shorts, and footwear. Ella and Stella are standing on the ground, dressed in short shorts, and carrying handbags. They look up at William on the jungle gym and climb on themselves, leaving their handbags on the nearest park bench.

ELLA
Hi.

WILLIAM
Hi.

ELLA
What’s your name?

WILLIAM
William.

ELLA
What’s your last name?

WILLIAM
Lundberg.

ELLA
I’m Ella, and this is my sister, Stella.

WILLIAM
(to Stella)
Hi.

STELLA
Hi.

CUT to facial CU of William, smiling.

ELLA V.O.
Don’t you think William has beautiful eyes?

STELLA V.O.
He sure does. Hair, too.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. ELLA and STELLA

STELLA
As you may have already guessed, the next rule is . . .

CUT to CARD reading “Make compliments”

STELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . make compliments.

CUT back to Ella and Stella

ELLA
Whoever coined the phrase “flattery will get you nowhere” was off his trolley.

STELLA
That’s right. If Miss Susan doesn’t mind, we’ll skip the next few minutes of her film, where we get acquainted with William. We learn all about his family and his hobbies, and we tell him all about OUR family and OUR hobbies.

ELLA
Only we didn’t tell him about the hobby which we’re sharing right now.

STELLA
(laughing)
That’s right.

CUT to EXT: playground. The three children are sitting on the park bench, with Ella on the left, William in the middle, and Stella on the right. The girls have recovered their handbags.

STELLA
It’s an awfully hot day today. Aren’t you burning up in that T-shirt?

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Ella and Stella

STELLA
(with her hand over her heart)
I was so concerned over William’s interests. Aren’t you touched?

ELLA
Yeah, just like a car salesman wants to see his customer driving just the right car.
Just like an insurance salesman wants to sign his customer up with just the right insurance policy.
That’s because a car salesman and an insurance salesman . . .

CUT to CARD reading “Appeal to the other person’s well-being”

ELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . appeal to the other person’s well-being.

CUT back to Ella and Stella

ELLA
We’ll cut back to the park for another important rule.

CUT to EXT: playground. The three children are still sitting on the park bench.

ELLA
Why don’t you take off your T-shirt?

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Ella and Stella

STELLA
You wouldn’t want to pay for a lifetime subscription to your phone service, would you.
The same thing is true here.
So we don’t dare pounce on the poor fellow and say “We’re going to strip you naked!”

ELLA
That’s right. Instead, we . . .

CUT to CARD reading “Offer an installment plan”

ELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . offer an installment plan.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Ella and Stella

ELLA
And now it’s Stella’s turn to do the honors.

CUT to EXT: playground. The three children are still sitting on the park bench.

STELLA
It’s all right. There’s nobody here but us.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Ella and Stella

ELLA
Everybody likes to feel safe.

STELLA
And that’s why we . . .

CUT to CARD reading “Make reassurances”

STELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . make reassurances.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Ella and Stella

STELLA
Here’s another quick one.

CUT to EXT: playground. The three children are still sitting on the park bench.

ELLA
We can help you.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Ella and Stella

STELLA
You’ve seen the commercial “Mr. Shine will make your whole house shine, and everything that’s in it”?
Same principle here.
(pretends to wipe her brow)
We’re offering to do all that good hard work, and all he has to do is sit there.

ELLA
What shall we call the rule this time? How about . . .

CUT to CARD reading “Use the Profit and Gamble technique”

STELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . use the Profit and Gamble technique.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Ella and Stella

STELLA

But he still hasn’t said yes. What do we do now?

ELLA
I don’t know, Stella. Now it’s your turn.

CUT to EXT: playground. The three children are still sitting on the park bench.

STELLA
How would you like for us to do it? How about if I take the sleeve on this side and Ella takes the sleeve on that side?

William holds up his arms, Stella slowly pulls up on William’s right sleeve while Ella slowly pulls up on William’s left sleeve.
The T-shirt comes all the way off and Stella takes it in her hand.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Ella and Stella

Ella and Stella walk around aimlessly, groaning, and with drooping arms.

ELLA
Oh! Finally!

STELLA
We finally did it!

The camera TRACKS Ella and Stella while they walk slowly to the couch, still groaning and drooping. They collapse on the couch, still groaning.

MISS SUSAN V.O.
Are you ready to continue?

ELLA
I guess.

STELLA
As ready as we ever will be.

CUT to previous spot in the studio. Ella and Stella have now recovered from their exhaustion.

ELLA
You’ve probably seen a courtroom drama where a lawyer asks, “What did you do with the money you stole?”

STELLA
And you know why he asks that question? The defendant hasn’t admitted he stole the money, and this could be a good way to trick him!

ELLA
And Stella did the same thing here. William hasn’t said he wanted his shirt taken off, and this was how we tricked him!

Stella gives Ella a dirty look.

ELLA
(continued)
All right, then, STELLA tricked him. This time, the trick has a name.
Our rule this time is . . .

CUT to CARD reading “Ask loaded questions”

ELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . ask loaded questions.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Ella and Stella

ELLA
(continued)
We know you want to look at William with his shirt off, so we’ll cut back real fast.

CUT to EXT: playground. The three children are still sitting on the park bench. William is still shirtless.

STELLA
(looking closely at William’s torso with a concentrated frown)
His skin has a nice color. What color would you call that, Ella?

ELLA
I think that’s kind of an ivory color.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Stella

STELLA
Here we are following a rule which is very important in dealing with people everywhere, which is to . . .

CUT to CARD reading “Treat the other person as an individual”

STELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . treat the other person as an individual.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Ella

ELLA
This would be a good time to study the most common skin tones. We have . . .

CUT to caption “porcelain” on a porcelain field

ELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . porcelain . . .

CUT to caption “ivory” on an ivory field

ELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . ivory . . .

CUT to caption “beige” on a beige field

ELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . beige . . .

CUT to caption “sand” on a sand-colored field

ELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . and sand.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Ella

ELLA
(continued)
We know you’d rather look at William than look at color charts, so we’ll cut back to where we were before.

CUT to EXT: playground. The three children are still sitting on the park bench.

ELLA
I’d love to feel your skin. Can I feel your arm and your shoulder?

Ella feels William’s shoulder without waiting for a response.

STELLA
Can I feel your chest?

Stella feels William’s chest without waiting for a response.

ELLA
Can I feel your back?

Ella feels William’s back without waiting for a response.
Stella also begins feeling William’s back.

ELLA
Hey! What are you doing? He didn’t say you could feel his back, he said I could.

STELLA
I don’t care! I saw him first!

ELLA
No! I did!

STELLA
I did! etc.

ELLA
I did! etc.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Stella
V.O. of “I did!” “I did!” continues in a low volume.

STELLA
Notice that we were asking permission before touching him. Also notice the division and Ella and me. This made it appear that the opposing party was divided, which we hoped would make William feel stronger. This demonstrates another rule which we should always follow, which is to . . .

CUT to CARD reading “Treat the other person as important”
CUT V.O. of “I did!” “I did!”

STELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . treat the other person as important.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Stella

STELLA
(continued)
Now to work on getting William’s shoes and socks off.

CUT to EXT: playground. The three children are still sitting on the park bench. William is still shirtless.

ELLA
You’d look nice if you went barefoot.
Would you rather Stella took your shoes off, or would you rather I did?

WILLIAM
I don’t care.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Stella

STELLA
Child psychologists recommend this rule for parents. It helps children feel like they’re in control, whether they really are or not. The rule is . . .

CUT to CARD reading “Offer choices”

STELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . offer choices.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Ella

ELLA
But this time, we’re not going to offer him much of a choice.

CUT to EXT: playground. William is sitting on the park bench and the girls are standing. William is still shirtless and is now also barefoot.

ELLA
I hate to tell you this, but those blue denim shorts will just have to go.

WILLIAM
How come?

ELLA
Because of your ivory-colored skin. The combination with your blue denim shorts is an eyesore.

WILLIAM
Who says?

ELLA
Every expert on color combinations. We spent almost a whole month in art class learning about color combinations.
(turning to Stella)
Stella, do you remember that student who almost flunked that class because he used ivory and blue in the same picture?

STELLA
I sure do. I really felt sorry for him.

WILLIAM
When was this?

STELLA
Last year.

ELLA
Year before last.

STELLA
(to William)
Well, we took an advanced class last year and a beginners’ class year before last.

WILLIAM
What colors fit with ivory?

STELLA
No other color fits with ivory. However, out of all the colors, ivory is a good color for monochrome. That means that ivory is the color which best goes by itself.

ELLA
That’s right. People with ivory skin look best with no clothes on at all.
(making a hand motion to William)
Stand up.

William stands up.

CU of William’s shorts. We see Ellen’s hand, on William’s right, unbuckling the belt, unsnapping the snap, and unzipping the zipper. We then see Ellen’s hands on William’s right and Stella’s hands on William’s left pulling down William’s shorts.

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s office. Ella and Stella

STELLA
There have been stories about people fooling everybody by pretending to be doctors, pretending to be lawyers, and you just now saw two people pretend to be artists. I don’t know about Ella, but I can’t even draw a straight line. The rule which we have just demonstrated is . . .

CUT to CARD reading “Appear authoritative.”

STELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . appear authoritative. That means act like you know what you’re talking about.

ELLA
Stella, what ARE the color clashes? I’ve been trying to remember them.

STELLA
(closing one eye and counting on her fingers)
Let’s see, now, there’s red and green, orange and blue, and one that I can’t remember.

ELLA
Oh, I know, purple and yellow.

STELLA
Yeah! That’s it! But we’re gonna prove that ivory makes a nice monochrome, aren’t we!

ELLA
We sure are!

STELLA
(to the camera)
The next rule is kinda the same but kinda different. Let’s cut back to the park.

CUT to EXT: playground. Ella and William
William is wearing only undershorts. Ella is facing William, with both of his hands in her hands, and looking directly into William’s eyes.

ELLA
We glorify Cosmic Consciousness, which created the sun and the moon, the mountains and the valleys, the fouls of the air, the beasts of the field, and the fish of the sea.

CUT to SUBJECTIVE CU of Ella
MUSIC: Begin a soft, slow march theme.

ELLA
(continued)
But of all these creations, there is none more wondrous than you are in your Unadorned Beauty.
But with this gift comes a great responsibility. You are not to defile this Beauty with any worldly garment. You are to share your glorious nakedness at home, at school, and wherever you go.
Cosmic Consciousness has marked this Unadorned Beauty with a Glorious Icon. You are not to shield this Icon with any worldly garment, with any item carried in your hand, or with your hand itself. You are to proudly display this Icon to your loved ones, your teachers, your friends, and everyone you meet.

CUT to Stella and William. Stella is facing William, with both of his hands in her hands, and looking directly into William’s eyes.

STELLA
William, in just a moment, there will be an event which may be the most important event of your life.

CUT to SUBJECTIVE CU of Stella

STELLA
(continued)
You will share your Unadorned Beauty with us. It will be a glorious moment for us and we hope that it will be a glorious moment for you. But first, we ask you to make some promises. Do you, William Lundberg, vow to remain in your glorious nakedness until your eighteenth year? If so, say “I do.”

CUT to SUBJECTIVE CU of William

WILLIAM
I do.

CUT to SUBJECTIVE CU of Stella

STELLA
Do you vow to refrain from shielding your Glorious Icon with any worldly garment, with any item carried in your hand, or with your hand itself? If so, say “I do.”

CUT to SUBJECTIVE CU of William

WILLIAM
I do.

CUT to Stella

STELLA
Very well, let us proceed.

PAN to Ella and Stella approaching William and one standing on either side.
ZOOM IN to CU of William’s underwear, which is being pulled down by Ella’s hand on one side and by Stella’s hand on the other side

CUT to INT: Miss Susan’s studio. Ella

ELLA
There is probably nothing that you can’t get a person to do by appealing to his conscience. You can get people to hate someone of a different background, to fight wars with whoever the head of state is mad at, and you can even get children to send their parents to prison. You can do this just by preaching about what you want them to think is right or wrong. So our rule is . . .

CUT to CARD reading “Turn the whole topic into a moral issue.”

ELLA V.O.
(continued)
. . . turn the whole topic into a moral issue.

STELLA
(to the camera)
An English teacher would flunk us for making an anticlimax, but we thought you might see some scenes from how the rest of the day went. So now we’ll change the scene back to the park.

MUSIC
CUT to EXT: playground. All three children are standing. William is nude. Ella takes a sack out of her handbag, which she uses to gather William’s clothes.
Stella takes sundry games and paperback books out of her handbag.
MOSAIC of the three children playing games, looking at the paperback books, talking, laughing, roughhousing, and playing on the playground equipment.

MUSIC stops
DIAGONAL WIPE

ELLA
What do you say we take a walk around the park? We’d like to show you off.

WILLIAM
That would be nice, except that I am supposed to meet my mother right here. My brother’s coming too.

Ella and Stella show excitement.

ELLA
Older or younger?

WILLIAM
Younger.

STELLA
A younger version of you? I bet he’s really cute!

WILLIAM
He is. Oh, there they are right now!

Ella, Stella, and William wave.

CUT to LONG SHOT of WILLIAM’S MOTHER and WILFRED, William’s younger brother, approaching the scene and waving. Wilhelm is dressed in a T-shirt and knee-length denim shorts.

CUT back to same scene as before. Ella, Stella, William, William’s Mother, and Wilhelm are standing. William is at the camera left end and William’s Mother is at the camera right end.

WILLIAM’S MOTHER
I don’t see how you did it. Ever since summer started, I have been trying to get both of my boys to shed a few stitches. I’m William’s mother, by the way.

Ella and Stella start to introduce themselves.

WILHELM
(pointing with his finger)
You’re Ella and you’re Stella.

ELLA
(smiling)
Oh! You know us already!

WILHELM
Shoot, yes! Who doesn’t! There were some boys in my class who went to school naked every day on account of you two. The teacher wanted to invite you two to our class aso you could talk to the rest of the boys. I think she wanted the girls to sit and listen. But the principal wouldn’t let her. It would take up too much class time, she said.

Ella and Stella laugh.
Soft MUSIC begins.

STELLA
It’s comforting to know that our mission has such a wide outreach. And what’s your name, young fellow?

WILHELM
Wilhelm.

STELLA
(pointing in both directions)
William and Wilhelm, William and Wilhelm. That ought to be easy to remember.
I was feeling like William was the best-looking boy in the world, weren’t you, Ella?

ELLA
I sure did. I still say he might be, but if he is, he has an awfully close contender.

William and William’s Mother sit down and watch the rest of the session, smiling affectionately.

HORIZONTAL WIPE

Ella and Stella each pull up on one sleeve of Wilhelm’s shirt while Wilhelm raises his arms.
They pull his shirt off.
Stella exclaims over Wilhelm’s skin color.
Ella begins taking a sack out of her handbag and placing the shirt in the sack.

HORIZONTAL WIPE

Stella speaks to Wilhelm.
Wilhelm nods.
Stella feels Wilhelm’s chest muscles.
Ella speaks to Wilhelm.
Wilhelm nods.
Stella and Ella quarrel.
Ella takes Wilhelm’s footwear off, places it in the sack, and takes another look at Wilhelm.

HORIZONTAL WIPE

Ella and Stella express disapproval of Wilhelm’s denim shorts.
ZOOM IN on Wilhelm’s shorts being removed by Ella and Stella

HORIZONTAL WIPE

MEDIUM SHOT of Wilhelm, who is standing in white undershorts.
Stop music.

CUT to Ella and Stella

ELLA
(angrily)
One stitch on this boy is one stitch too many.

STELLA
(angrily)
I’ll say.

ZOOM OUT to Ella and Stella approaching Wilhelm, who begin removing Wilhelm’s undershorts.

Resume MUSIC.
CUT to William’s Mother, with smiling affectionately toward Wilhelm.
TRAVEL with William’s Mother, approaching Wilhelm, who is now naked.
CUT to front view of Wilhelm, with Mother’s right hand on his right shoulder and Mother’s left hand on his left shoulder, and the two looking affectionately at each other.
She is standing somewhat behind him, allowing a clear view of his chest, legs, and genitals.
FREEZE the pose while the credits roll.

CUT music.
Mother gives Wilhelm a few slaps on the rump.

MOTHER
That’s for all the girls’ hearts that you’re going to break.

Wilhelm looks up at Mother with a smile.

FADE OUT