Pantsing En Masse

[Pantzlurkington]

I'd seen big crowds go crazy for boy bands before. But this was something else. It seemed like every girl in the city, from office workers to college students to teeny boppers, had rushed to the downtown core to scream at the top of their lungs for the latest pop phenomenon. I can't even recall the name of the band, one of those easy-to-forget, created-by-marketing-committee groups of seven or eight young men from some European country or other. But boy, did the girls love them.

A line of harried-looking police officers stood with their backs to the mob of girls, their arms linked, as the girls strained and pushed and reached through any gap in an effort to break through. As the boy band's tour bus pulled up and the band-members exited, the pushing and straining reached a crescendo and the screams got even louder and more excited. I was seriously waiting for the surrounding office windows to crack.

Then, I noticed several of the police officers start to get odd looks on their faces. Like there was something going on behind their backs, but they couldn't figure out what.

Suddenly there was a tremendous ripping sound, like someone yanking a big roll of masking tape. In an instant, every pair of police officers' pants tore right off their legs! It actually looked as if a giant vacuum had sucked all their pants into the crowd. Clearly, the mob of girls had given up trying to push through the police, and just gone after their uniforms. And it sure worked.

In an instant, the entire line of police went from an imposing, impenetrable wall to a group of embarrassed men and women in colorful underpants, all scrambling desperately to cover up. They looked left and right and left again, crouched down, raised their knees, flailed about with their hands in an effort to keep at least some dignity. No luck.

That was all the mob of girls needed. With a giant scream, they surged forward, streaming past the embarrassed officers and heading straight for the stunned boy band members. In seconds, the boys were surrounded, then stripped completely naked as the crazed girls went after any souvenir they could get their hands on: shirts, pants, shoes, undies.

Several lucky young women held up scraps of the band's clothing as the mob cheered and the band members stood there, so stunned they didn't even cover up. Girls jumped in and took selfie after selfie with the embarrassed, naked young men, laughing and shouting.

The whole scene seemed to energize the crowd and turn them feral. Young women streamed through the downtown, ripping the pants off every guy they came across. It was the largest mass depantsing in the city's history.

After what seemed like hours, the crazed girls ran out of energy, and pants to steal, and the city slowly returned to calm. An emergency budget adjustment was approved to replace the many lost police pants, and the boy band, shaken, went ahead with the night's concert, with a tripled security presence at their venue. And now you know why, at offices, college common areas and girls' schools across the city, you'll find pairs of police uniform pants hanging on the walls.

[Pantzlurkington]

Edited the title of this story; felt this title was more interesting and accurate.