@Lefanto - excuse brevity, replying on touchscreen now and, meh ( it doesn't like my fat fingers)
It's not... but it be made to fit with a different small change...
"The wagon train took off as fast as wagons can go but, as everyone knows, wagons can't outrun Indians on horseback (so it was no surprise when the wagons were caught)"
the difference being talking about a past action and talking about what people know about a past action.
The NudieBag Race
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TeenFan
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Re: The NudieBag Race
In creative writing the main characters are different from story to story, and so too are the story tellers, the narrators.
Even when a story is told in third person, the narrator of each story is like a character. I've done over 30 stories here and not one is going
to be exactly like another one. Some narrators will come across as educated and use fanciful flowery language and have all the proper grammar
and sentence structure. The narrator telling this story, specifically for the first chapter, is a person very much like a member of the old
Smith family from the 1800s. It's like an old member of the town, a direct descendent of old Mr. Smith is telling you this story, as best as he
can recall it, first hearing the story as a child. It's filled with myth and mystery as to how everything actually happened and in what order
things happened. Grandkid Josephus Josiahjones Smith can't tell it any other way.
The second chapter the narrator takes on the personality of a Sports Announcer, adding extra zing into his delivery of what is going on or is
about to take place for the viewer's pleasure. Builds up the suspense.
The third chapter the narrator takes on the personality of a TV game show host, where so much is based on the imagery and appearance of
what is going on in the tv studio. Each chapter has a different tone and feel to it because a different person is telling it, with differing
writing styles. Each chapter has a life of its own. Perhaps that may be confusing for some.
__________________
Imanewb wrote:
...and feel free to tell me to butt out...
_________________
Feel free to leave comments, all writers want them, but a line by line edit of the story is inappropriate here. Comments should be more
about plot development, what people want to see happen in the story, or maybe disappointment in how a character behaves. I don't edit
other people's stories here because it's doubtful anyone here does this professionally, and for many writers English is a second language.
I'm sure you don't want to wear out your welcome in making comments on various stories here. Everything in Chapter one stays exactly as
originally intended.
Even when a story is told in third person, the narrator of each story is like a character. I've done over 30 stories here and not one is going
to be exactly like another one. Some narrators will come across as educated and use fanciful flowery language and have all the proper grammar
and sentence structure. The narrator telling this story, specifically for the first chapter, is a person very much like a member of the old
Smith family from the 1800s. It's like an old member of the town, a direct descendent of old Mr. Smith is telling you this story, as best as he
can recall it, first hearing the story as a child. It's filled with myth and mystery as to how everything actually happened and in what order
things happened. Grandkid Josephus Josiahjones Smith can't tell it any other way.
The second chapter the narrator takes on the personality of a Sports Announcer, adding extra zing into his delivery of what is going on or is
about to take place for the viewer's pleasure. Builds up the suspense.
The third chapter the narrator takes on the personality of a TV game show host, where so much is based on the imagery and appearance of
what is going on in the tv studio. Each chapter has a different tone and feel to it because a different person is telling it, with differing
writing styles. Each chapter has a life of its own. Perhaps that may be confusing for some.
__________________
Imanewb wrote:
...and feel free to tell me to butt out...
_________________
Feel free to leave comments, all writers want them, but a line by line edit of the story is inappropriate here. Comments should be more
about plot development, what people want to see happen in the story, or maybe disappointment in how a character behaves. I don't edit
other people's stories here because it's doubtful anyone here does this professionally, and for many writers English is a second language.
I'm sure you don't want to wear out your welcome in making comments on various stories here. Everything in Chapter one stays exactly as
originally intended.
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imanewb
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- Contact:
Re: The NudieBag Race
Noted: As requested, no further written feedback regarding issues with presentation, writing style, etc.__________________
Imanewb wrote:
...and feel free to tell me to butt out...
_________________
Feel free to leave comments, all writers want them, but a line by line edit of the story is inappropriate here.
Please note: earlier post amended/altered (to reflect same) with the additional feedback I promised after completing the story.
