dsweenz71 wrote: Tue Nov 21, 2023 7:11 pm I try to be creative, and not too predictable. It's impossible not to play into some of the many
tropes/clichés of this genre but I try my best to keep it fresh
And that's precisely what keeps me, at least, coming back - as stated previously - ENM's not exactly my thing, but your story's fun, imaginative, well written with a 'whodunnit' element to it - (hmm, struggled how to phrase this bit...) take 5: sod it: there's decent characterisation/world building, including a fair bit of 'colour' (minor characters, segues, etc), an ebb & flow to the tension/intrigue whilst maintaining trajectory, is generally well paced & internally consistent allowing SoD to remain intact (so far at least)... and, drumroll pls, you don't hang around - it's coming out at a great pace (don't wear your keyboard out!)
edit to add: wrt to the chapter - good to see, from the 'believability' (gotta call it something) front some anger from Seth (no, not even I'd expect it to help him)... but on that theme now that he 'knows' his parents know about his embarrassing 'medical problem' and he'll going home be tired, humiliated and angry after another long day...
A developmental suggestion/thought: "Thanks for nothing mom/dad... could've told me you met mrs masters on Wednesday.... instead of letting me make a complete fool of myself" *storm off muttering under breath 'like i need the extra hassle' (or something along those lines).... to extend his problems to the home environment (even more than he, yet, realises vis cameras)?
edit: edited to try and improve clarity