Julie's babysitting disaster - new page up chapter 12 page 4

[antonias6969]

Good evening, Mr. Revengedpirate. It's great that you had the motivation to continue with this story.
It honors you very much, giving credit to minnie mouse, it has been a nice gesture.

The truth is that I tried to get in touch with her, since her approach to her story interested me a lot, to exchange certain ideas and delve into other concepts and situations between the protagonists.
Unfortunately, it has been a long time since he has given any signs of life on the forum.
His contributions are great and I recommend them.

And since you mention her, I would like to recall some of her comments, which could help those who wish to continue with this work, from the sole desire to motivate. 0% review. Only motivation and inspiration for those who take the time to continue expanding this work.

Comments and appreciation of Minnie Mouse:
This is one of my favorite stories, but I think it's progressing too quickly. I don't see how Julie would allow herself to kneel down and let Sally pull her nipples.

I think she would succumb to Lisa but she would need more coercion to let a child do this. - maybe a spanking by Agatha and then passed to Sally to complete would have been reason to acquire.

Hope you don't think this as a criticism.

Possible plotlines could include: Julie being spanked (hasn't happened anywhere near enough), Julie being taken to a swimming pool with a rubber ring, Julie changed in the public area of the changing room, Julie taken to the park to play on swings , slide and see-saw topless, Julie taken to the shop in a trolley, Julie put in a potty in front of others.

Characters to dominate / humiliate Julie can include: Olivia (again) her tiny stature makes this doubly embarrassing; Billy (for a grope of Julie's private parts of her), Agatha and Agnes taking Julie to the park or pool and overseeing her humiliation of her, Lisa to spread Julie's legs of her, talc her and change her into a diaper after drying her. Courtney to 'help' little Julie, Brad to witness the excesses with Julie topless and wearing diapers, ex teachers, old school friend, neighbours, work colleagues, school children from a local school and of course Julie's mum and aunt - perhaps returning in time to see Julie on a potty with wet diapers around her ankles.

Lots of possibilities....

And finally, add a few lines with the sole purpose of motivating, encouraging and inspiring.

It is very interesting to know Julie's thoughts. And to discover her personality through the situations, her reactions and her lines of dialogue.

The antagonists must have good reasons to humiliate Julie. The justification of the actions that Julie faces will enhance the credibility of the story. Contexts are important. Hence Lisa, always feeling that she should be the main Antagonist, because of Jealousy, for discovering how exciting it is to dominate another woman and feel superior, for discovering the pleasure of feeling superior and being able to exert her will against a girl why she feels some degree of threat in terms of jeopardizing her relationship with Brad.

At some point in the story, it would be nice if Julie managed to put all the children in her place. To all. Without revenge, simply drawing character and helped by the classic relatives of those antagonists. All to end up being relieved by someone like Lisa, or any character who carried the weight and raised the stakes and the degradation of Julie to levels not yet seen in the story.

Focus the story, with a simple question. How to get the maximum humiliation out of Julie? Develop the character of Lisa, or her new antagonist, creating a background so that the coherence of the story does not take the reader out of it.

Personally, a woman, no matter how submissive she is... cannot be dominated by adolescents. And even if they managed to dominate her by her force, she would put an end to all that, with all the classic means that an adult can put in place.

Other characters that can help make a difference is a domineering mother, or a stepmother, having to change her address because her father has changed partners. Preferably a stepmother, because she doesn't feel maternal love for Julie, and that gives more consistency to the story.
Another important character is a boss and her interns closest to her, making Julie's stay at work a nightmare.

And then make all the antagonists meet and conspire against Julie. As in a certain date, where all the characters converge for the first time, meet each other and find out their "similar activities" with respect to Julie.

What would come to be a kind of trinity: rival, stepmother and boss, combining with her little personal assistants, to create a hell on earth from Julie's life.

Focusing the story, on humiliation. In the way of living Julie these becomings of destiny. Get to know Julie's thoughts in depth, especially through the dialogue lines.

The dialogues are vital, to develop a character. The line of her attitude, her gestures, her irritations, her way of carrying everything, her looks, her anguish, her answers, and above all how she carries the forced constriction of having to constantly show herself as she is not.

Smiling when she wants to kill. Unintentionally kissing and treating others politely when she hates them all, etc.

And try to expand the scenes, showing what Julie feels. What she wants to say, but she can't say for fear of the consequences and what she suffers from having to say things she doesn't mean with the tone she doesn't want.

Being the source of fun for all those people, assuming all the awkward positions that she is forced to assume, etc.

It would also be necessary to increase the humiliating and heavy punishments. Force her to apologize, make videos, and write many apology notes and be forced to humiliate herself in front of third parties. But with context, with justification.

The story loses a lot, when only the action develops. What really attracts the story, is knowing Julie, through those actions to which they try to subject her. But you have to put the magnifying glass on Julie. In how she lives each one of the torments, in what she feels for each antagonist, what aspects she dislikes in each one. Try to narrate what she feels and how she sees the whole situation.

It is also interesting that there are summaries written in the first person by Julie herself. For example, that she detail what is usually a week in her day to day. What adventures she had to go through that week, her common punishments, how she hates doing what and how.

Julie's loss of choice, how do you handle that. Having to dress in humiliating clothes, or rather be dressed.

The possibilities of the story are great. The question is how to put it on paper, since doing this type of approach is very hard for the creators. They require dedication to the story, to detail, to reveal all the nuances of the situation.

The reader, as a general rule, tries to put where it is missing, but the ideal is that everything is already in the text and can be extracted from the text, although all this is very demanding for the developer of the story.

Of course, remember that these are just ideas, with the intention of motivating. I understand that each author has his vision and his way of presenting the facts.

I recommend authors to pause the story, to prolong the actions, to deepen each sequence, to multiply the dialogues, to get into the characters and try to visualize themselves in said intrigues.

The stories, as a general rule, touch on past events and situations. They don't usually delve into the characters. The dialogues are short lines, without nuances.

I recommend describing the actions in full. Focus on microgestures and narrate them, describe them. In order to enrich the dialogues of all those who participate in the action. Involve the reader in every detail, how Julie felt when she was led almost naked by the ear, her sobs, the sound of her bare feet on the ground increasing her nakedness, the cold she felt on her skin when she was stripped of her last garment, clenching her teeth before being forced to answer politely and force her character to soften her face and not provoke her rival's anger and receive additional punishment for her arrogance and resistance.

The way she looked away when being reprimanded and how she was held by the chin so that her face returned to face the one who spoke to her against her will, the pang of fear of the unknown that was to come, the anguish and shame , the anxiety she had to endure before leaving her house to hold hands with someone else, to be punished for her bad behavior in another, more intimate place, and having to force a smile and an apologetic gesture and hand over a handmade apology letter, after being duly punished.

Details… Try not to leave anything to the imagination. Pause and focus on each fact, on each character, in each situation.

Let's say that the stories are usually like Rambo-type action movies, a lot of shooting and explosions without understanding anything. While this story would do better as a breaking bad/better call saul type series…take your time. Develop and execute things in due time, connecting the facts, understanding the complexity and depth of each situation. Something much more satisfying, deeper. Without detracting from all action movies, much lighter and necessary too.

It's just that Julie deserves that kind of attention...

Thank you very much for continuing to write and not letting this story die, Revengedpirate.

To say that I have not read it, and that I promise to do so and comment on something... but I already congratulate you in advance, for bringing it back to light and trying to revive Julie.

You know, 0 negativity. All positive. Good job and I hope you continue the series. in person Finally, I would like you to focus on bringing out as much shame in Julie as you can, and try to convey to the reader every iota of that shame of hers, through long descriptions, extensive dialogue, full of nuances, letting us see the attitudes of each character, both Julie and the antagonists. Let us see what Julie's days are like, what a week for Julie is like in a summary, see what kind of apology letters they make her write and to whom and why... tell us about how Julie suffers when she's alone, reliving everything in her head. happened, how they dominate Julie, etc... And also let us see how Julie rebels and ends at least, with everything that is underage, to "level up" and begin her true torment, to call it that... and that I even missed the nonsense that these kids did to her, compared to the aberrations at the level of shame and humiliation that true motivated adults and with justified reasons, lead her to experience "a new experience"...

With my best wishes to continue learning more about this character...

Just thanks for your time and dedication and to all those who are involved in the story, such as Valerian, Minnie, etc.
I wish Minnie would come back, I have many ideas that I would like her to develop, in her chronicles about Julie...

[Revengedpirate]

At the moment I’m only about halfway through of Julie’s already written content. The three separate authors who have worked on this, all have different styles of writing and editing and adding is taking time for sure. Some of the descriptions of events are too in depth, some not so in depth, but I believe all the stories have merit. This is Valerian’s story, the one who created Julie, the one with the inspiration of Julie. Julie would not exist without Valerian who is in themselves an exceptional writer. All I’m doing is editing in a way, that takes aspects of all three writers and merging them into one. There is a hell load more pages to go. I’m having to read the plots of both valerian and Minnie Mouse carefully because I want to balance and value everyone’s work equally.

The three authors most definitely have different styles of writing and I have found in the case of the inserts and the main story, that there are some discrepancies. For example Julie being bathed twice in the same night. But by a little work, I’m able to use the discrepancies too an advantage rather then wipe out or irradicate completely others work.

I’m also hoping the additions being made are still in the spirit of Julie and her progression through her daily obstacles.I’m adding chapters and pages as quickly as I can trying to make it as seamless as possible. I’m currently on page 70 of 170 which still need editing and corrections in places.

I’m giving a big hats off to valerian because this story of Julie is becoming a legendary tale.

[Revengedpirate]

“Er, That’s just the urm T.V. How almost naked are you?” Asked Courtney.

“Please Courtney, Just let me up, I’m desperate. I’ll explain everything just let me in.” Begged Julie.

“Yeah, let her in. She must be cold if she’s naked.” Said the guy.

“I know that voice, so familiar.” Said Julie.

“Fine, come up.” Said Courtney.

“Buzzzzz.” The door lock went.

Julie grabbed the door and pulled it open. She entered the building and wrapped both her arms around her naked torso hiding her meagre breasts from view. Julie ran up the first three flights of concrete stairs and knocked on Courtney’s door. The door was red and made of solid oak. It creaked as It opened. Julie stared in shock, as Courtney appeared.

Courtney was bare foot, She was wearing a pink gown, and her Auburn hair was loose and shoulder length. Courtney, was 5 foot 8 inches tall, skinny and, is a very gorgeous white girl. Julie jumped at Courtney and hugged her. Courtney was taken by surprise and stepped backwards two steps. Courtney looked at the little girl, hugging her.

If Courtney hadn’t heard Julie over the intercom, she wouldn’t have recognised Julie at all. This girl was dressed in a pink nappy, 2 inches shorter than Julie’s normal height, and very plain looking. Courtney also recognised Julie by her big breasts but this little girl, was flat chested, and looked like a 10-year-old or something.

“Julie?” asked Courtney.

“Yes?” Asked Julie.

“It is you? Why do you look so, why do you look so, I can’t think of the words.” Said Courtney.

[uncivilized]

Revenvedpirate,

Thank-you for taking the time to going through the story to clean it up and hats off to Valerian XIII and Minnie Mouse too.

To all, your efforts are greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
uncivilized

[Brightsun]

Thanks for all the effort in doing this

[Revengedpirate]

“So different?” Said Julie, finishing Courtney’s sentence.

“I was going to say young or babyish but yeah O.K.,” said Courtney.

“Is that Julie, I hear, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.” Said the guy who burst into fits of laughter when he came out of the living room and, into the hall where the two girls stood, and he saw Julie.

“Eddie.” Gasped Julie.

“What did you say to me earlier? Oh yeah!! I’m too geeky to handle you both? Well looks like you were wrong Julie, You look way to babyish for me.” Said Eddie still laughing.

Julie burst into tears.

“You don’t have to be mean.” Said Courtney, scolding Eddie, and cuddling Julie.

“Neither did that baby earlier.” Said Eddie.

“I get it you two hate each other. Julie come with me.” Said Courtney.

Courtney led the near naked Girl into her bedroom, brushing passed Eddie as she went. Julie blushed as Eddie gave her a smirk as she passed him. Once in the bedroom Courtney shut the door.

“O.K. Julie, spill.” Said Courtney.

For the next 40 minutes, Julie talked Courtney through her entire ordeal with her cousin’s. Julie cried as she relived all those horrid memories. Julie was glad to get it all off her chest, the embarrassment and humiliation all flooding back to her. Suddenly there was a knock on the bedroom door.

“Hey guys I made you both a hot chocolate. I’m sorry for my rude behaviour.” Said Eddie.

[Revengedpirate]

“Eddie!!” Screamed Julie.

“Oh, for the love of god!!! Put this on, like you’ve got anything to hide, Eddie’s already seen your tiny lumps.” Said Courtney handing Julie a white tee.

Eddie brought the two cups over handing one to both girls, as Julie hurriedly put the tee on.

“I think you look good, topless, but not as good as you Courtney, obviously.” Said Eddie quickly backtracking.

“Nice save you hunky man.” Said Courtney, half grumpily.

Eddie leaned in and kissed Courtney.

“Ding dong.” The doorbell rang.

“See who it is Eddie.” Said Courtney.

Eddie left the room shutting the door behind him. Eddie was gone for a few minutes, before returning to the room. He was looking sheepish.

“Who was at the door Eddie?” Asked Courtney.

“Who was it, Eddie?” Asked Julie.

Eddie looked at Julie and Courtney not sure what to say. The door opened wider, and two people walked through it.

“Us, Ma’am.” Said one of the newcomers.

[Revengedpirate]

Will be posting again soon, currently in the middle of moving house, hopefully have time in next few weeks

[Revengedpirate]

will be posting again soon, hopefully in next two weeks, things have been really hectic and chaotic at home.

[antonias6969]

Thank you...don't be in a hurry. The important thing is to write well and when you can.

The rush to catch the bus.